Nothing like a great honor to get me back to blogging here.  SHRM was nice enough to add this blog to their list of Top 10 Workplace Flexibility blogs worth reading and wow am I feeling guilty.  Not because of the honor, but because I had some tough choices to make.

In October I started a new job and with every new job there is a learning curve and it takes a while to feel like you have your feet under you. And as part of that new job I’m responsible for their blog…and while that one is going well.  This one fell off a cliff.

There is some consolation in knowing I am not alone.  I think my friend Cindy Meltzer says it so well in her post on this subject.  And like her I’m finding it tough to write about juggling work and life, while I’m juggling work and life!

but hey, this is part of my  journey through it all.  So please stay with me and trust me. I have a lot to say…I just need a few more hours in my day.  Sound familiar?

How about you…are there some tough choices you’re making?  Things that you really enjoy that you haven’t been able to work on as much as you’d like?

I’m not sure when this country became so obsessed with filling a chair…but it is pervasive.

While I’m banging my head against the wall to get companies to realize that results speak louder than face time and the amount of hours in a cube, I’m now having to argue that battle on another front.

My little one has just finished her first year of school.  I am very proud of her.  In one year she went from knowing the alphabet to being able to spell and read words, understand the difference between lower and uppercase letters.  She has learned many numbers and can even do some simple addition and subtraction.  She now writes every birthday card that goes to any birthday party we are invited to.  And for the end of the year she wrote a 4 page book about what she liked during the school year, what she would miss over the summer and what she was looking forward to in her new classroom next year.

And most of all, she loved it!  She’s sorry school is over for the summer and would have gone on weekends if given the chance. Which really was my only goal for her this year.  Enjoy school & learning and want more and more.  Goal accomplished.

So when another parent from a different school essentially chastised my daughter’s school for their timetable I was taken a back.

Her thought was my daughter didn’t go the # of days required and her school year was just too short and she was being short-changed educationally.  I didn’t argue, I just smiled, because of course I disagree.   I am perfectly satisfied.

Now perhaps as she grows and the goals for each school year grow with her, I will disagree.  But honestly I’m more about results…not time spent in a chair.  And so far I like the results I’m seeing.  And I’m thrilled to have her get some unstructured time alone with me ahead of when many of her chums get out of school and summer camps and playdates take over.

What about you?  Are you more interested in face time and the # of hours spent on something or do results say it all?

On Wednesday I’m attending an event focused on how to get men more vocal in the work/life discussion.  Especially how to get them to participate more in some of the programs and policies available at their workplace.  But it’s hard.  While we’ve come a long way since  Mr. Mom.  Men also face career penalties for wanting a better work life fit.

But the world of work is changing.

I am thrilled to announce the my husband’s little brother is a brand new proud papa.  He couldn’t be more over the moon.  And he will be home to enjoy the first two weeks, entirely.  He took the paternity leave offered and never questioned that he could/should/would.    He is GenY, his household is more 50/50 when it comes to the workload at home, and he has no qualms about taking time off from work to be with his family.  It’s just seems to be the normal thing to do.

How nice.

It’s a lesson I fear I’ll never learn.

Yesterday I was feeling stressed.  You see this morning is my child’s first Field Day and she is excited to have one of her parents come and watch and play.

• As my husband is traveling…that would be me.
• I would really like to get a run in.
• I have 2 clients currently and one potential who would like my help…yesterday.
• There is a luncheon happening nearby that I would like to attend.
• I usually make sure to get in a pilates session once a week and have not yet done so this week.
• My little one has baseball at 4p.

And that’s when my heads starts twirling and my stress level rises and I start to get upset. Until…I remember.  I cannot have it all, all at once.  And I cannot do it all.

Now my life would have been easier if I had scheduled pilates for yesterday when my calendar was more clear.  But hey, I’m human and yesterday was a nice procrastination kind of day.

Today would be less stressful if my clients had gotten me what they said they were going to early yesterday instead of me still waiting on it, so I can do my work.  But hey they’re human and I can only manage that process so much.

So something will give.  And I will be able to do most of the above on my list.  And it is a good day.  I just need to re-learn that lesson sometimes…okay almost everytime.

Or at least what it looked like last Friday.

Why would I admit this? Because for some reason our society thinks being able to do it all, all at once is attainable. And I find it not to be so. And apparently this is a trend according to a new book. Now I don’t need a new book to know that “good enough” is perfect for me. I live it daily, I’ve read blog articles about others living it and I see my friends all making life work this way. And here is what it looks like sometimes.

Yes, that’s right. I’ve become that mom. The one that will clearly have my future teenager asking me to drop her off at the corner far away from where her friends can see. Why? Because something has to give. And for me on Friday it was clearly wardrobe.

Neither my husband nor I had managed to do laundry so my 2 pair of full-length yoga pants were unavailable. And there’s nothing I dislike more than to shower before a workout only to have to shower again right after. So school drop off had me looking like this. And then the need to get a workout in for the first time in 3 days had me walking through the crowded streets of Boston like this. And you know what…I didn’t miss any work deadlines, my kid got to school (almost) on time, my mother-in-law’s visit was chugging along nicely and my husband made it to that doctor’s appt. he’d been trying to get to for weeks.

I say “good enough.”

I’m not sure why we have become such a black and white world.  Perhaps it’s the political climate we live in today where either “you’re with us, or you’re with the terrorists,” is tossed around.  I mean I’m all for  healthy food at school – but I also think things in moderation are best.  Apparently I am in the vast minority, at least according to this poll.

And it appears to be so in the work world as well.  The pervasive attitude is still, either you’re at your desk which apparently equals working. Or you are not and therefore you are not working.

If you ask to work from home, you must be really be “working from home” and watching Oprah and eating bon bons.

If you don’t come to the office when it’s snowing out – you are not a good worker.

No wonder we all feel out of balance.  In black or white worlds you are either in the right or in the wrong.

In this environment how are we supposed to function as decision makers?  And don’t we want workers who can make good decisions on their own in the workforce?  I mean, if we take away all fat & sugar from school how will we expect our older kids to make decent choices when actually given a choice.  We need to act like and be treated as adults.  Which means accepting that if work gets done and done well – who cares where it’s done?  If it’s snowing and someone has stayed home – who says they are shirking?  And working from home should mean just that…someone is working while at home.  Those who abuse should be punished but the rest of us should be left to live away from the black and white and in a shade of gray…without repercussions.

Because I don’t know about you but I like the occasional bout of junk food at a Superbowl party and my kid has cupcakes on her birthday..and I don’t think that needs defending.

I am raring to go today.  Which is not normally my Monday condition.  It is usually that Mondays take me a bit to get moving.  There’s the not wanting to get up in the morning and the procrastination on all fronts for what needs to be done vs. what I want to do.

What changed?

My family and I spent a weekend with lots of time together, lots of fresh air, and little technology.

I felt it was time to get my little one on skis.  So I reached out to a friend that had a condo close to a mountain near our home.   I looked into the ski school at the mountain.  I checked the weather (because while I’m a hearty New Englander there are times it’s just too cold to ski here!) and off we went.

It didn’t start off all that well.  Work kept my hubby later than I would have liked on a Friday night which meant we were smack dab in the middle of Friday night Boston rush hour traffic…headed to skiing with so many others.  So we stopped for dinner at a favorite kid’s place.  The service was slow, the merchandise for kids was abundant.  By the time we walked out of there and got back on the road, I was tired and cranky, my little one was mad because she didn’t get the toy she absolutely had to have, my hubby realized we would be on the road for his 9pm conference call and was concerned there’d be cell coverage.  I was dubious that my insistence we take this weekend together would work out as hoped but in for a penny…in for a pound.  Up to the mountains we went.

The rest of the night went smoothly including the business call and we were all in bed at a semi-reasonable hour.

Again, the next morning as the alarm went off at 7am – I was still not sure this was for me.  Why do they have to start ski school at  8:30am?  10 is a much more reasonable hour in my opinion!

But the little one was already up and getting dressed without our help.  My husband got up and did what was needed, I slept for another 1/2 hour and we got to ski school with time to spare.  And that’s when my plan finally started to work.

My husband and I had a leisurely mountain breakfast.  We took a run or two by ourselves and then checked in with ski school.  Fortunately our little one is old enough to know what is fun and likes having fun, and is beyond the years of clinging to Mommy & Daddy so she was all smiles.  And while I didn’t see great progress being made, I did see happiness, so off we went to ski in peace for the first time PK (post kids).

And it was great.  My husband and I enjoyed something we hadn’t been able to share for years.  We relaxed.  We kidded around.  We snuggled on the chairlift. He forgot about work.  I forgot about our little one and we just connected for a couple of hours.  The day was wonderful and we all exhausted ourselves such that that night was an early night for all.

The next day my little one was raring to go although a little concerned about going back to the big hill.  I assured her she did not have to do anything she did not want to…she just needed to talk to the teachers, they would listen and I assured her they wouldn’t make her do anything she wasn’t ready for.  Again, easy drop off and off hubby and I went to get away from our daily lives.  We had a great time together again.  I was a little concerned about the little one and the big hill – but I  figured I’d let the pros handle it and check in later in the day.

The next time we saw her it was time for her to go up in a chairlift for the first time!  And she was really excited!  Clearly we had conquered the big hill as we were off to the real mountain.  And as there was one teacher for 3 kids, I got to take her!  It was so much fun watching her master a new skill, and we got a glimpse of our future…the family that skis together.  At the end of the day we couldn’t stop her.  Her lesson was over but she wanted to keep skiing…so we did.  All together!

So how does this lead to more productivity?

Well my husband has been working very long hours all days of the week.  Towards the end of the day Saturday he looked at me and said, “I think this is just what I needed.”  He noted that he had been doing some of his work more than once to correct small errors and he wasn’t liking that…especially as that wasn’t the norm for him.  He felt he was too close to the work for too long.

I myself had been feeling un-balanced because there was not enough time in his busy work schedule for me & our daughter.  And was not loving my role as chief cook, bottle washer and full-time disciplinary committee.  This weekend together helped us all re-align and be ready for what gets thrown at us this week.

It was not easy convincing my husband to take the time off at a very busy time.  It was not easy schlepping up to the mountains.  But it was easy leaving our daily lives behind and the results do not lie.    We are all raring to go back to our various work  today…happily, feeling more in balance and productive!

It’s day 2 of no school thanks to a snow storm.  Now I like snow.  No complaints here.  After all when you choose to live in Boston and Salt Lake City all your life, you’re going to get snow.  But I will say, boy am I glad I work from home and work for myself.  Because yesterday my husband was also at home but without me to entertain our little one, he would have been in trouble.   He was quite busy and while he can do that work from home, it’s not easy to do so with a little one asking questions constantly.  And then there are those who do not work from home, typically.

Last night I got a phone call and a text.  The phone call was a bit pannicked.

“Can you believe they closed school again tomorrow?”

I couldn’t.  I live 2 blocks from the school.  The streets & sidewalks were already completely clear and easily passable, but I’m guessing other city neighborhoods hadn’t fared as well.

“We were caught completely off guard, we both have big meetings tomorrow so now we’re scrambling.  Could you by chance host a playdate tomorrow.”

I jumped at the chance.  Working from home when you have a small child means no work gets done unless that child has a babysitter, playmate, activity.  So yes, please, let me host the playdate and get some work done.

Then came a text.

“Looks like we have no school tomorrow, do you want to have a playdate?” from another friend. “I have work. Can you host?”

It looks like my plan is all coming together.  When we bought this house the thought process was to have enough room for everyone to have their space, and to have ample space for playing with friends.  There would be an office for me to work in as well.  So while today may not be as productive as non-snow days for our families, we’re making work work.

What’s your snow daze story?

I am often asked “how do I…” How do I balance home and work?  How do I ask for more flexibility at work?  How do I become an employer of choice using flexibility?  How can I help make flexibility at home and at work more the norm for all?

Well, as you can imagine I have my opinions and I’ve written about them.  As we wrap up 2010 here are some of my and your favorite articles on these topics:

For workers:

• 4 essential steps  to feeling more balanced at home & at work
• Vacation and time off is important so take it!
• Sometimes less is much more
• Life and careers are not straight lines not matter what HR wants you to think
• The unexpected will happen…and you need to adapt in life
• Take better care of yourself than you do your car
• Say what you mean with your “out of office” message
• Rethink retirement
• Self-awareness can be key

For both workers & employers:

• Flexibility at work requires both the employer and the employee to treat each other with respect and trust
• or in other words…Treat others as you would like them to treat you
• How to find common ground on flexibility at work
• Are you a sheep…following the herd?  Don’t be.

For employers:

• Your workforce is a team…lead them as such
• If you want to recruit and retain top talent…think flexibility
• Forward thinking HR
• If you are proud of offering flexibility as an employer why don’t your job descriptions reflect that?
• Is your company run by Gordon Gecko?
• Work/Life is not only for celebrities – just ask those around you
• How business success and workplace flexibility are tied

On gender and parenting and work/life:

• Words matter in the work/life conversation
• It takes a village…not just a mom
• How Father’s Day and roles have changed
• Men and women are different and can learn a lot from each other

Here’s hoping this recap helps you in 2011.  I enjoyed looking back, as sometimes I feel I’m not accomplishing as much as I’d like.  After all I struggle/juggle as well and some days it feels like a losing battle.  But looking back over the last year…I am quite proud of all that I’ve accomplished in life, at work and at home.

Happy New Year!

Woo-hoo!  I’m on a business trip.  This celebration seems odd right?  I’m cutting short my family Thanksgiving visit to head to the Sloan Foundation’s conference all about Workplace Flexibility on a Sunday Night.

But you know what?  That was my choice.

Did you see the movie Date Night?  Do you remember Steve Carell asking Tina Fey about her fantasy and his great surprise that her fantasy includes a hotel room, with no one else in it, just some peace and quiet to actually be able to eat lunch?  I do.  And it’s my fantasy, too.  Okay not the lunch part, but the quiet hotel room.  Seriously what’s not to like.

The breakfast fairy delivers you breakfast in bed.

The bed-making fairy comes and makes your bed.

The cleaning fairy cleans your room.

The laundry fairy takes away your dirty sheets and replaces them with new ones.

There is no stove to cook supper, no sink to do the dishes, no children to be bathed.

There is cable TV and I can watch it without having to pause for my nightly cardio workout of running up and down the stairs to see what “ailment” my little one has come down with in the last 5 minutes at bedtime.

There is quiet.  There is no one saying “Mommy?!” or “Where is the…” or “Can you please do…”

I love my family and I thank them for the extra work they are taking on for the next few days but as I am typically the All-of-the-Above Fairy at my house…this business travel thing is bliss!