It was just about 3 years ago and I was considering a change. The company I was with was changing its business focus and had suddenly gone from being very flexible about my time to being nearly inflexible. My husband had just gotten a big job that would require him to be away from our family a lot and I was unsure what to do.

And then I jumped…I just took a leap. I quit my job, started this adventure and hoped to change the world.

And it is changing!!! It really is.

I started thinking the only way to change the work world to be more flexible was to talk to HR people. As I already knew this group it seemed the right place to start. Soon I learned there were wonderful organizations who had been studying the changing workforce for years and they had great research & material that could benefit those in HR and their C-suite.

I started talking to the researchers, while also talking to the HR pros. I was having similar conversations with both groups. I was translating research speak into actionable information for HR people, and explaining the many hurdles and bumps that workplace flexibility faces in a real world business scenario to the researchers. And I really wanted to get the two groups to connect. And I knew the two groups could learn greatly from each other and then we could move this flex movement forward.

And as I was shouting to be heard above the din, others were shouting as well. And our voices got louder and more cohesive and we started working together. And then it happened the researchers and the HR sphere decided to work together to help business’s bottom line, to attract and retain workers, to keep workers productive and to improve the health of the workforce.

After jumping….there are days when you feel like you’re sinking in quicksand. There are days when you are sure you will change the world. There are days when you’d really like your corporate job back along with a boss who will “tell” you what your priorities are. And there are days when you feel you have made a difference.

Today is that last one for me and I invite you to join me as I produce a webinar for HR pros about why the thinking on workplace flexibility has changed and become a competitive advantage for many. For these researchers it’s been decades in the making. For me it’s been 3 roller coaster years. And today I wouldn’t change a thing!

This is one of those posts where I’ve been reading, attending events, thinking and putting connections together. And sometimes my road is pretty winding…so bear with me.

Last week on a webinar I learned that 68% of the workforce is over the age of 40. That’s a pretty large group of potential job candidates.

Today I learned:

1) People over 50 are happier than those younger. My take on that is because they know what makes them happy and have decided to cut the BS.

2) That employers in my home state of Massachusetts are optimistic about the economy but 52% of them are having trouble finding qualified candidates to fill positions.

3) Sometimes you have to say no and actually want to.

Now I’m no rocket scientist or bio technician or software engineer (all jobs Mass. companies look to fill) but it doesn’t take one to see that maybe, just maybe the 68% of the workforce who is old enough to know what makes them happy and knows that sometimes no is the best answer are just not that into you as an employer.

I myself know what I want, love going after it and will happily turn down things that don’t work for me, my family and our life style. And I’m thinking I’m not alone.

I’m sort of unique in my group of HR friends.  As I’ve never worked in HR.  I’m on the other side, the job seeker/employee with an issue/world changer side.  And sometimes that puts us at odds.  Like last week.

I’m happily trolling Facebook for information on my friends and the HR industry when I see a post about how women should not wear their diamond rings to job interviews with a link to an article.  The thought was that if the ring is too big, the interviewer may not think the woman “needs” the job.  Also just the mere presence of a diamond ring apparently infers that you will someday get pregnant and leave your employer high & dry.

In the very lengthy amount of comments that followed this Facebook post there was also a reference to an article about someone who drove a beat up pickup truck to an interview and didn’t get the job after the interviewer walked them out to their car.  I couldn’t find that article but am fascinated to read why exactly that was a factor in how the candidate’s skills matched or did not match the skills needed to do the job.

Now I get it.  There are people out of work, they need a job, they are asking for advice from HR and recruiters.

But I think this advice stinks!

It reminds me of when I was in my 20′s and I would start dating a guy and some of my girl friends at the time would insist that I needed to pretend to like the things he liked or the relationship was doomed.  You know, I should feign an interest in hunting, sci-fi movies, windsurfing and maybe even go as far as tagging along for these adventures when in fact…I was not interested.  I knew back then that if I had to be someone I was not, the relationship was doomed.  And that’s how I felt hearing these HR types discuss this.

I absolutely do not want to work for a company where I need to change what car I drive or hide my wedding ring to get in the door.  My tenure there would be as doomed as a relationship where I pretended I would be happy shooting & cooking bambi.

And shouldn’t HR be more interested in finding the right fit for the job, than in teaching candidates how to game the system.  And if the answer is, as some said – “hey that’s just the way it is.”  Well what are you doing to fix it?  No wonder your workforce is not engaged or is feeling work/life conflict or is looking for another job.  You’ve taught them the only way to do business at your company is to lie.

Now what am I going to do about it?  I’m going to continue to be who I am.  I will make the best first impression I can and be mindful of how I look and act.  But I am not going to rent a car or leave an integral piece of who I am at home.  And I do not recommend you do, either.

It doesn’t surprise me that I am no longer friends with those girls who insisted I needed to be other than who I was to land Mr. Perfect.  It shouldn’t surprise you that I will not work for someone who will not take me & my skills for what they are.  I may never know why a company rejected me, but if it’s because of those shallow reasons…I can only say…THANK YOU!

I was asked recently to be part of a Podcast at ERE.net about women in leadership roles in the workplace.  It was a very good discussion over 15 minutes.   And I believe what we all said in that short amount of time was highly accurate.

But I also think there is so much more to the story.  For one women have been in the workforce for the blink of an eye.  Seriously. When my mother was growing up the prevailing wisdom was she had 3 choices  - she could be a teacher, a secretary or a nurse…yes there were variations on that theme…but those were predominantly the careers open to women.

And one generation later we are looking around and saying – why aren’t more women managers? directors? ceos? on boards? C’mon give us a break.  We’ve accomplished much in 40 years – let’s celebrate that.  And let’s also really look at reality at work in that time.

Now I agree with Darren Shearer that there isn’t outright discrimination usually when hiring for a position.  I definitely do not believe that someone looks at a resume and says “we can’t hire that person, they’re a woman.”  Absolutely.  However as I look at my history in the workplace, the amount of unintended and societal discrimination that I’ve faced over the years is both shocking and yet, normal.

Job #1

• I overheard about 2 weeks in that I was essentially hired because I looked good in a skirt and had less of a Boston accent than the person I replaced.  But it was a recession and I had student loans to pay 6 months after leaving college so no fuss on my part.
• My duties in that job included going to the ATM for my boss and taking money out for him and shopping for birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc. for his wife.  Clearly not what I went to college for and certainly not what any male around me was doing for his boss, but again, a recession was on and I had already pushed back on fetching my boss’s coffee daily and getting his lunch from the cafeteria.  Mind you, this was 1991!

Job #3

• Each dept. had to cover the front desk during the receptionist’s lunch hour.  My dept. was made up entirely of men, except me.  Guess who was asked each week to cover?  Until I pointed out that it was not fair as I was not the lowest ranking member of the dept nor the highest – so why couldn’t others help out.  The result…my dept. no longer had to help cover the receptionist’s lunch hour.  A win for me…but definitely not for women in workplace.
• I became aware of a survey being done at work – who had the best body part.  Some of the men put together the ideal woman using fellow workers body parts.  They voted on who had the best legs (apparently I, the long-distance runner won that one), face, smile, hair, etc.  Even when this survey became public…no discipline was handed out for it.
• I mentioned I was the only female in my dept. – my boss – who actually was highly evolved and cared more about how well your work got done than your gender was a large champion of mine.  But he had to constantly fight to get me high-profile projects and when I did get them, it was clear to me that I had better do a much better job than my male colleagues would..or another good project may not come my way.  He said it much better than I with “I got you this…now don’t fu*@ it up.” No pressure.
• There was a male co-worker who was notorious for making women uncomfortable by complimenting their clothing, and leering at them constantly.  He was written up multiple times for this behavior, but never formally disciplined.  He was also in management.
• I was a sports producer.  It was my job to interview, get information about and be around male sports professionals.  I was good at getting interviews…just so long as I didn’t complain too much about the leers, totally inappropriate comments & proposals, or locker room behavior that was simply offensive.  I knew the minute I complained I would become too much trouble and lose my assignments and possibly my job. Mind you, I never gave anyone reason to think I was available…and in fact was already engaged and simply not interested.

There were other examples…but I think these show that women are in no way considered the equal of men in the workplace – in fact they are seen as less.   They are still too often not judged on their abilities, but other factors.  Which certainly helps explain the wage discrimination that is still a reality.

I also think my Dad’s words way back in my 20′s are still far too true.  He, the father who watched us kids 3 nights a week while my mom worked, who told his daughters we could be anything in the world we wanted to be, he said, “I don’t know why you’re spending all this money and time on grad school.  Some day you’re going to have kids and stay home with them.”  He was and is certainly not alone in his thinking.

Finally I think there is one other thing that studies about women in managerial roles do not take into account, who is being managed.  I’m guessing if you really look at how many people professional men & women are managing – it’s close to the same.  It’s just that the men manage people at work and the women manage people at home from child care workers, children & their schedules, house cleaners, babysitters to teachers and school bureaucracy.  I’m thinking maybe when men start managing more of the home workers, women might have some time & energy to manage more of the professional workers.

I feel like it’s been a quiet winter.  Like there was lots of fall activity and then we all went into hibernation for a bit.  Of course there were all those snow days.  And I am still getting used to the next phase in my work/life – living on a 9a-2p schedule now that my little one is in school.  So it could be just me, but I felt pretty disconnected from the HR gang, the work/life gang, and my Boston networking gang the past couple months.

Thankfully the thaw is on in Boston both for the snow and ice and also for the quiet.  Today I’ll be participating and leading a few online discussions on topics that definitely affect everyone…at some time.

At noon I’ll be talking about how cancer has touched my life.  And it has.  3 years ago I lost my Dad to lung cancer after a long cardiac illness and last May we lost my husband’s stepfather ironically to a heart attack, even though he had been fighting cancer for the entire 15 years I knew him.   For both of these men their families supported, nursed, drove to appointments, held hands, took a deep breath when they were appropriately cantankerous and had their lives turned upside down by the disease as if they had come down with it themselves.  It is one of those issues that will become more and more of an issue that needs to be thought about and dealt with in the work/life sphere.  Please join if  you’d like to share your story or learn from others who have been there or are there now.

Then tonight I will be a bit less reflective and much more radical on a twitter chat called #RadChat.  Here some recruiters, HR folks, work/life folk, everyday Canadians, Americans, and all around good tweeps will get together and chat on different topics.  Last time it was personal branding.  Today it’s work/life balance.  I’m hosting which with this crowd probably means – throwing out questions, getting a few jokes & barbs thrown back at me, me learning from lots of smart people, and having lots and lots of fun.  If you are feeling balanced, aren’t feeling balanced, hate the word “balance” as I do.  Come on along at 9pm on Twitter and type in to the search box “#RadChat” to lurk, listen or participate in the convo.  I think I’m ready for all that will be thrown my way…but won’t it be fun to find out?

It’ll be quite the day for me from somber to laugh out loud funny.  But isn’t that what life is all about?  No ability to really balance, just rolling with what comes and having the support system at home and at work to help it all fit together.

So let’s talk.

I’m not sure why we have become such a black and white world.  Perhaps it’s the political climate we live in today where either “you’re with us, or you’re with the terrorists,” is tossed around.  I mean I’m all for  healthy food at school – but I also think things in moderation are best.  Apparently I am in the vast minority, at least according to this poll.

And it appears to be so in the work world as well.  The pervasive attitude is still, either you’re at your desk which apparently equals working. Or you are not and therefore you are not working.

If you ask to work from home, you must be really be “working from home” and watching Oprah and eating bon bons.

If you don’t come to the office when it’s snowing out – you are not a good worker.

No wonder we all feel out of balance.  In black or white worlds you are either in the right or in the wrong.

In this environment how are we supposed to function as decision makers?  And don’t we want workers who can make good decisions on their own in the workforce?  I mean, if we take away all fat & sugar from school how will we expect our older kids to make decent choices when actually given a choice.  We need to act like and be treated as adults.  Which means accepting that if work gets done and done well – who cares where it’s done?  If it’s snowing and someone has stayed home – who says they are shirking?  And working from home should mean just that…someone is working while at home.  Those who abuse should be punished but the rest of us should be left to live away from the black and white and in a shade of gray…without repercussions.

Because I don’t know about you but I like the occasional bout of junk food at a Superbowl party and my kid has cupcakes on her birthday..and I don’t think that needs defending.

I am often asked “how do I…” How do I balance home and work?  How do I ask for more flexibility at work?  How do I become an employer of choice using flexibility?  How can I help make flexibility at home and at work more the norm for all?

Well, as you can imagine I have my opinions and I’ve written about them.  As we wrap up 2010 here are some of my and your favorite articles on these topics:

For workers:

• 4 essential steps  to feeling more balanced at home & at work
• Vacation and time off is important so take it!
• Sometimes less is much more
• Life and careers are not straight lines not matter what HR wants you to think
• The unexpected will happen…and you need to adapt in life
• Take better care of yourself than you do your car
• Say what you mean with your “out of office” message
• Rethink retirement
• Self-awareness can be key

For both workers & employers:

• Flexibility at work requires both the employer and the employee to treat each other with respect and trust
• or in other words…Treat others as you would like them to treat you
• How to find common ground on flexibility at work
• Are you a sheep…following the herd?  Don’t be.

For employers:

• Your workforce is a team…lead them as such
• If you want to recruit and retain top talent…think flexibility
• Forward thinking HR
• If you are proud of offering flexibility as an employer why don’t your job descriptions reflect that?
• Is your company run by Gordon Gecko?
• Work/Life is not only for celebrities – just ask those around you
• How business success and workplace flexibility are tied

On gender and parenting and work/life:

• Words matter in the work/life conversation
• It takes a village…not just a mom
• How Father’s Day and roles have changed
• Men and women are different and can learn a lot from each other

Here’s hoping this recap helps you in 2011.  I enjoyed looking back, as sometimes I feel I’m not accomplishing as much as I’d like.  After all I struggle/juggle as well and some days it feels like a losing battle.  But looking back over the last year…I am quite proud of all that I’ve accomplished in life, at work and at home.

Happy New Year!

I’ll admit it last night I was star struck and I don’t get star struck easily.  I’ve worked in too many high-profile jobs to let celebrity be something I’m overly enamored by.  But last night I listened to Valerie Jarrett, Sr. Advisor to President Obama and Admiral Mike Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff talk about workplace flexibility.  And in the end, they weren’t even the biggest stars.  The biggest, in my opinion was J.T (Ted) Childs, Jr., Retired Vice President, Global Workforce Diversity at IBM.   I’m still a little overwhelmed that I was invited to last night’s invitation only event.  And I’m thrilled that the White House and the Pentagon are talking about the challenges faced by today’s workforce and how to better recruit and retain them.  And the answer for all was more flexibility at work.  Here are some of the highlights of the evening:

• Valerie Jarrett being realistic and poking fun at life in the White House:  “You don’t want to create the expectation that you can work at the White House and only work 8 hours a day…We don’t care which 15 hours in the day our people work….”  Which is funny but also important.  Flexibility isn’t necessarily about working less and there are some jobs that are just going to be long hours and not as flexible.  I think leading the free world qualifies…but others do as well.

• Admiral Mullen about the military’s forward march on flexibility. “I think there are those that don’t realize there’s no going back here.  We’ve burned the boats.”  And while he acknowledges they need to be adaptable and will definitely need to evolve, going backwards and taking flex out of the equation is not an option.

• Hearing Ted Childs talk about why IBM finally accepted a 3-year sabbatical was music to my ears.  It wasn’t about being the right thing to do or some moral test.  It was good business.  It was better for their bottom line.  It costs less to retain a good worker than to recruit a new one.  Once a CFO provided him some data, the C-suite got in line quickly.  I did love this quote from him, though:  “If a man serves many years in the military, we give him a 3-year leave and call him a hero.  If a woman serves many years in the corporate world and asks for a 3-year leave to be with her child we call her a pariah.”  Which I think is true of anyone in the corporate sphere who wants to take a 3-year leave – whether for child or not.  Don’t we all believe that is the death knell of that career.

• I’ve been hearing about the “war for talent” for so many years in the HR/recruiting space that to hear the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff refer to it and talk about how workplace flexibility is a focus on talent was a bit jarring and fun.

• Valerie Jarrett describing Chicago’s Mayor Daly (a larger than life figure to many of us) as someone who cared enough to be sure she made it to her kid’s Halloween parade was interesting and did not jive with the picture I had in my head of how Daly’s office would run.

• Ted Childs:  “Flexibility isn’t about doing good.  It’s about winning and if your leader doesn’t want to win then they’re not a  leader”  when asked how to convince business leaders that workplace flexibility is a priority.

• Admiral Mullen when talking about his decreased budget these days:  “If we figure out how to take care of our people and their families we’ll be okay.  If we don’t we won’t”  Meaning it will cost much more to recruit leaders with less combat experience into the military than it does to keep those with the needed experience that are performing well, happily.

• Ted Childs – when talking about decisions made in the workplace: “Men, ask yourself, would you want this to happen to your daughter?  If not, draw a line in the sand because if you’re <imposing a bad policy> on someone else’s daughter, there’s nothing to stop it from happening to your daughter, too.”

Here are the themes that were consistent and constant throughout the session:

Flexibility helps recruit talent

Flexibility reduces stress at home helping employees come back refreshed and be more productive

Flexibility is a reason employees choose to stay with employers

Flexibility is strategic…not a perk

When a company walks the talk on Flexibility from the top down (and doesn’t use it simply as PR fodder) then Flexibility becomes a competitive advantage

Flexibility leads to happy homes & happy families which allows employees to focus and engage more at work

And after August’s employment figures were recently released, where for the first time since the recession started more employees chose to voluntarily leave organizations than got laid off, can anyone in HR and the C-Suite honestly say they are not thinking about how to retain their talent?

In a video that kicked last night’s session off, an executive at Ernst & Young says: “Everyday every one of our assets goes home and we have to make sure they want to come back the next day.”  Yeah, flexibility make that a whole lot easier #Imjustsayin’

I want to be contigent.  Sounds weird, right?  But I am not alone. I don’t want to be tied to one company and their whims and follies.  I don’t want to change my world when they decide to change theirs.  I want more control.  And it appears workplaces are on board with this.  But there are a couple of issues…and one is regulation.

A good friend of mine from college was working last year.  She had found a contract job she really liked, they liked her.  She got to work where, when & how she wanted.  She was excited.  They were excited.  Until 1 year later when the legal department descended.  It turns out, she can’t work for them anymore.  Because the government says they would need to hire her on as an employee, offer her health benefits, and collect taxes from her directly – which is way easier than making sure she files quarterly.

She doesn’t want health benefits, she has been paying her taxes.  She just wants to do good work and get compensated for it.

Nope – no such luck. She is now looking for a new job that allows her to work where, when & how she wants and needs to.  The company is now looking for a new worker with skills like hers that they can hire- probably again for  just one year.

Seems foolish doesn’t it.

I understand the basic reasons behind the laws.  I was around in the 80′s & 90′s.  I remember companies trying to save money and hire temporary workers on a nearly full-time basis to save money on benefits.   I get it.  Except there are many of us who want to work on our terms and companies who would like to hire us on as independent contractors.  We don’t want the health benefits that this law is forcing the company to give us.  And here is where I get excited and cautious.  Health care reform.  Excited because if health care reform stays in place by 2014 we may no longer be afraid to change jobs/employers.  I may no longer hear, “No, I don’t like my job, but I can’t risk giving up my health insurance.”  Cautious because none of us knows what form Health care reform will take by 2014.

Did you know that health care as an employee benefit really started during WWII as a way to attract and retain workers during wage and price controls?  So some employers decided it would be a competitive hiring advantage to add health care to the total compensation package for their employees.  And the rest of the dominoes fell into place. Well I and others believe those same dominoes will start falling again…just the other way.

Did you know that today, this very day, many employers are crunching numbers and looking at dropping healthcare as a benefit between now and 2014?  Now stop panicking.  They are not going to just drop it and give you nothing in return.  They’re looking at adding compensation to make up for it.  And why 2014?  Because that’s when some taxes on healthcare benefits hit them and they’re thinking they’d rather give that money to you and let you decide how best to use it.

I was fortunate to help promote and therefore be invited to listen in on a webinar the Corporate Executive Board’s Corporate Leadership Council recently gave on this topic.  It was quite interesting.  There are lots of factors being considered.  No one really knows what will happen next.

But honestly, wouldn’t you like to work for who you want, change jobs as you see fit and work contingent if you’d like?  Yeah, me too and so would my good friend from college.  We just can’t right now…at least not for more than one year at a time.

Oh, and on the tax issue.  No worries.  If you’re a global company, just do what other global companies are doing.  Make your contingent workforce employees of one of your overseas arms.  No tax legal issues then.

If you’d like to learn more about the future of the American workforce and changes a foot regarding contingent workers check out the video to the right by Susan Burns and Master Burnett from Recruitfest last month.

Yesterday I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize.  I was at a business lunch and normally I would have let it go to voice mail, but for some reason I picked it up.  “This is Ann from school.  [Your little one] just got sick in class and you need to come pick her up.”  Now fortunately I was nearby, I had no appointments the rest of the day and my lunch was wrapping up so absolutely not a problem.  My husband and I had decided that with our current work schedules it made the most sense for me to be the parent that takes care of these things.  He’s often a plane-ride away from school pick up and his job is much-less forgiving than mine.  So it makes sense that I got the call.

The bummer was that she got sick at school.  And there’s that 24-hour rule.  You know no fever or throwing up for 24 hours before you return to school.  Now let’s face it, many parents fudge this rule.  They get docked pay if they stay home with their sick child, they have an important meeting that they’ve been preparing for for days, they’ve got a deadline they just can’t miss.  And I’m no different this time.  Recruitfest, a forward-thinking conference is happening in Boston.  My company is sponsoring it, I’ve helped put parts of it together, I know lots of great people speaking, attending, working at the event that I haven’t seen in far too long and I want to connect with them – as much as possible.

And my kid threw up in school!  So there’s no fudging the 24-hour rule. Crap!

Now so you don’t think I’m heartless and the worst mom in the world – she’s fine – she’s got a bug for sure – but when she’s not throwing up she’s dancing around the living room and yelling at Scooby-Doo to look behind him and see the big bad monster lurking there and she slept through the night with no issues.  In other words if she didn’t throw up her breakfast today I would probably have sent her to school a bit late had the school not been in the loop.

So crap!

And seriously she could have thrown up any day in the last 5 months or the next 4 except this week on Wednesday or Thursday.

Crap! Crap! Crap!

I spent much of yesterday working the phones to set up childcare that I usually don’t need during the school day, tempering expectations at the conference on when I may arrive and being frustrated and disappointed that months worth of work and expectation and anticipation are slipping through my fingers.  And honestly a little bummed that today is a day of checking in and checking on everyone instead of being the carefree day I envisioned.

Or in other words another day in the life of  the “go-to” parent in a dual-career family.  Which is why I can’t be tied to a cube or an office for the standard 9-5 hours.  After all throw up happens and I’m the go-to parent.