Don’t you hate it when you have a really great presentation, conversation, brainstorming session and then 20 minutes later you have an epiphany that would have been perfect if only you’d had it during the event? Yeah, me too. Yesterday in fact.
I was on a call with community managers through The Community Roundtable and we were discussing work/life. I was giving them the knowledge I had learned over the years and through the research I’ve done for this site:
1) Have boundaries and stick to them
2) Manage expectations
3) You cannot have it all, all at once – you will need to say “no” to things
4) Ask for help
By all accounts the call went well and a good time was had by all and I learned a lot from them. Afterward I was talking offline with one of the participants. He is an expectant father and is nervous about how his life will be changing soon and how he will manage his work/life. I told him that this would all actually become much easier…because as a parent you need to do all of the above…regularly.
There it was…the epiphany that has probably been rolling around in my head for a while but just simply couldn’t manage to come out at the opportune time.
Why has it been rolling around…well this is a daily routine with me:
1) Boundaries – while I like snuggling with my little one, I also like sleep. My pre-schooler knows mommy & daddy’s room is off limits to kids before 7am unless you are sick/in need. It’s a hard and fast rule. And it works really well – with the help of a digital clock.
2) Expectations – “Mommy can I have a cookie?” “Mommy can I have an ice cream?” “Mommy can I have that toy?” How many times a day, week, month, year do I hear this? While I am asked constantly for these things she doesn’t get them consistently. New toys come around birthdays & holidays, treats come sparingly each day. That is what she now knows to expect. It won’t stop her from asking but it stops her from having a meltdown each time she doesn’t get what she has asked for.
3) Say “no” – well based on the above I say “no” a lot. But I also do it in a more positive way. “Mommy can I have a cookie?” “Absolutely, once we have dinner.” “Mommy can I have a new toy?” “Not right now, but let’s put it on your birthday list.”
4) Help – There is no way I could do all of this and stay sane without my nanny, weekend babysitter, husband, extended family. I would simply be too stressed and dysfunctional.
What happens if I don’t use these 4 constantly? Bedlam, unhappiness, stress, tears for all.
So why wouldn’t that be true for our adult selves as well? It doesn’t matter if you’re a community manager or a business owner or a car mechanic. It doesn’t matter if you use a smart phone or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re 20, 30, 40 or 80. This is what is needed. And I’ll be the first to admit – I’m great at parenting a pre-schooler. Not so much at parenting myself – because it’s not fun…and I do want it all, NOW…and let’s be honest my parents would never let me stay up this late to write a blog post.
So show of hands…who wants to be my parent?