But the world of work is changing.

I am thrilled to announce the my husband’s little brother is a brand new proud papa.  He couldn’t be more over the moon.  And he will be home to enjoy the first two weeks, entirely.  He took the paternity leave offered and never questioned that he could/should/would.    He is GenY, his household is more 50/50 when it comes to the workload at home, and he has no qualms about taking time off from work to be with his family.  It’s just seems to be the normal thing to do.

How nice.

Last week on a webinar I learned that 68% of the workforce is over the age of 40. That’s a pretty large group of potential job candidates.

Today I learned:

1) People over 50 are happier than those younger. My take on that is because they know what makes them happy and have decided to cut the BS.

2) That employers in my home state of Massachusetts are optimistic about the economy but 52% of them are having trouble finding qualified candidates to fill positions.

3) Sometimes you have to say no and actually want to.

Now I’m no rocket scientist or bio technician or software engineer (all jobs Mass. companies look to fill) but it doesn’t take one to see that maybe, just maybe the 68% of the workforce who is old enough to know what makes them happy and knows that sometimes no is the best answer are just not that into you as an employer.

I myself know what I want, love going after it and will happily turn down things that don’t work for me, my family and our life style. And I’m thinking I’m not alone.

I’ll admit I was stunned.  I had never in my 13 years of marriage and 8 years of home ownership been asked that question.  It took me a few seconds.

“Well you’re speaking to one of them.” I replied. Which pretty much set the tone for a very short sales speech and even shorter “not interested” response.

This recent exchange came to mind as I was reading an article about the Class Action suit being brought by women workers against Walmart:

Detrix Young, a Wal-Mart employee in Aiken, South Carolina, reports that she sat in a store-wide meeting where one of her female co-workers asked why the men in the store earned more than the women. One of the male managers answered that “men are working as the heads of their households, while women are just working for the sake of working.”

I know in my parents day and age husbands were considered the head of the household.  It’s not how it worked in my family.  My parents made financial decisions together.  But that was how it worked in some.  But now it’s befuddling to me that that image would enter anyone’s mind.  Let alone be a way to decide salary increases and promotions.

I don’t know about your house but in mine we have two breadwinners, who have equal education and equal clout when it comes to decisions.  At times in our lives together I’ve made more money, at times he has.  At times he’s worked much harder, at times I have.  There is no one in charge.  There are two people working together to make decisions, pay the bills, take care of the household and children and to be considered on any and all decisions.  We are a team.

And while I feel equality at home is moving forward by leaps and bounds, not so much in the workplace.  Wouldn’t it be nice if the work world thought of employees as a team, too.  They work together toward a common goal and each individual should be judged based on the quality of their work and given raises and promotions accordingly.  Enough of this antiquated “head of household” vs. working for “pin money” crap.

And for those of you thinking this is just a Walmart problem, ask a woman in her late 30′s-60′s – I’m guessing she’ll have a story to tell you that shows you otherwise.  I know I do.

Until 7 years later when the massive amounts of snow got to them and they re-retired to Florida and my free ski house disappeared.

Apparently my grandfather was way ahead of his time.  In the late 1960′s and in his 60′s he decided there was no way he wanted to sit around in retirement.  He got a “retirement job.”  A term that started around 2005 as the Baby Boomers began to reach retirement age.  What is a retirement job?  It’s one that is often fewer hours and most definitely less hassles & less political than that one you had previously.  Often you get to do the stuff you like and not the stuff you don’t like.  And should it get to be a hassle…you can walk away.  Because believe it or not…most who are working retirement jobs, do not need the money.  They like the cushion, but they are working for the social aspects and the boost it gives their self esteem.  A new report just out by the Families and Work Institute in conjunction with the Boston College Sloan Center on Aging and Work highlights this trend.

Just look at the numbers:

• 20% of those 50+ have retirement jobs

• 75% expect they will have a retirement job in the future

• 31% say they are working to stave off boredom and 18% want to feel productive and useful

• Only 18% said they were working because income from other sources was not enough

This is just one more example of how the workforce is changing and why the way work works need to change with it.  We are no longer a society who works just to pay the bills.  We are a society that gets satisfaction and enjoyment from work.  And when those two factors intersect you get a workforce who chooses their employer and walks away from those employers that do not fit them.  Which probably explains why we also hear so much about employer brand and employers of choice these days.

Listen up employers…from the top to the bottom your workforce is becoming choosy.  And we are working longer and on our terms, and we are thinking more about how work fits in with the rest of our lives.  My grandfather was way ahead of his time with his retirement job.  But honestly I don’t see myself ever retiring, although I’m not sure I see myself ever again working full-tilt, full-time, with all the stress that goes with that.  Perhaps, I’ve already found my “retirement job” – in my 40′s.

Full disclosure  – I was hired as a consultant to help get the word out about the study to other bloggers in a press call by Families & Work Institute & Boston College and as this report is important to my audience decided to write about it here, myself.

For more coverage check out this morning’s Morning Edition on NPR

Here’s why I think this song kept running through my head.  Because it seems to me women do and men promote what they’ve done, they promote themselves, their good deeds, their hard work, everything and anything.  And for some reason women just do it….and then move on and do something else.  Gross generalizations I realize but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

I was fortunate enough to attend the Boston College Center for Work and Families 20th anniversary celebration last week.  And really liked the way the morning’s content was presented.  The title was Next Generation Work-Life: Celebrating our history, envisioning our future

The talk all morning was about how juggling work & family and being more available for your family is a leadership skill.  Not just at home, but also in the world of work.  And I wonder if the focus hadn’t been on men this time, if that would have held true.

The thought process is if  you are happy at home you will be more productive at work.  If you feel productive and valued at work, you won’t suffer from “kick the dog” syndrome and come home and well…kick the dog.  So it turns out work/life isn’t about feeling balanced, or easing stress or getting 28 hours of tasks done in a 24 hour day.  It’s about leadership.

This is the first time I’ve heard the work/life debate in this context, although it seems clear Steven Poelmans has been saying this for far longer than I’ve been listening clearly.

That session was followed by a panel of working fathers…yes, working fathers.  Whose spouses are working mothers and everyone needs to pitch in at home to make it all work.  At least that’s what all of these men realized as they navigated their way through dating, proposal, marriage and family planning.  I’m pretty sure not one of them would have come to this on their own.  But they have smart wives who communicate clearly and they communicated clearly…clearly.

Kudos to Boston College for putting on an agenda that focused on something other than work/life being a mommy, female, women’s issue.  We’ve come pretty far since the time when child rearing was clearly in the realm of the mom.

Many thanks to Dan Mulhern for heading the panel.  It was wonderful to hear his tales of how he first learned he may play a supporting role in the family (in pre-cana class) to anecdotes of how far men have come.  He talked about how he used to be the only man at the playground and wasn’t really sure where to stand or what to say when he first started taking on the “go-to-parent” role in the family.  Fast forward to today when he is far from the only Dad at the playground where men make playdates for their kids to head to the playground with other Dads whose company they enjoy.

It’s great to hear the remember whens but I also think the evidence that Dads have an increasing role in our work/life are everywhere:

More Dads at school drop off & pick up (less for regular schedule pick up – but plenty at afterschool programs)

More Dads actively involved in school on PTAs & parents committees

More Dads at the playground

More Dads at the Pediatrician’s and Dentist’s offices

More Dads making playdates with me & my little one

The other exciting part of this celebration was not just men taking time out from their career to discuss this.  The number of companies who sent HR people who focus on work/life issues to this conference.  To listen, to learn and to share with each other.  Interestingly, during the men’s panel most of the questions were not HR focused…but personally focused.  So for those of you who don’t believe it…HR people are real people too, with the same struggles & juggles as the rest of us.

The day showed what great progress has been made even in the past two years, since I’ve started this site.  But yes, we still do have a long ways to go.  And we can learn much from each other.  Women – promote yourself & your skills more.  Still keep getting it done – but then tell someone you got it done and communicate clearly with your spouse.  You are a leader both at work and at home!  And men – let’s not kid ourselves…you’ve come a long way, but you’re no where near 50-50 in the parenting, housework, home organization realm.  While you deserve a pat on the back…don’t let it go to your head…get back and just do it.  Because there’s always more to do.

So simple conundrum, right? Just pass on the opportunity.  No worries.  Others certainly want it.

Except that she’s a she.  And she would be the first female police chief.  Breaking barriers for others, being a role model and all that.   What I found most interesting watching last night was the generation gap that I saw portrayed.  Brenda’s mentor in this process is a boomer – who would love to become chief but she’s never been asked.  However, she has been asked to strong arm Brenda to apply and help her through the process.    Brenda is Generation X.  And while she understands that it would be momentous for her to become Chief.  She’s also not sure she wants to or that she will like the job.  In fact she’s pretty sure it’s a mis-match.

But so far she’s forging ahead and meeting with the Mayor.  Everyone behind her is cheering her on…but she just doesn’t feel so cheery.

Anyone relate?  Yeah, me too.

We are women, so we need to open the doors for more women like those who came before us, right?  Umm I’m not so sure anymore.   Should anyone take a job because of social expectations even if it’s not one they want?  HR people talk about employee engagement a lot these days.  I’m pretty sure liking the job is a big part in successful employee engagement which leads to higher productivity and employee retention.

But back to the generational divide. I think many Boomers would say:

1) Yes – break those barriers, you go girl

2) Of course – it’s a promotion – more responsibility, more money, more power, more, more, more  – that is the American Way

And I, a Gen Xer think:

1) If you want to break barriers you absolutely should be allowed to do so, if not…don’t.

2) Money & power do not equal happiness and you only need so much of both.  Sometimes less is more.  Oh, and I’d rather like my job than be at the top and hate it.

These are some of the reasons I believe the world of work is changing.

Perhaps I’m generalizing a bit too much.  But I don’t think so.  You?

Yeah, that parent.

And it’s all because I like to work. Professionally, that is. Goodness knows I’ve been working quite hard the last month.

• Bought a new home
• Renovated it (read- managed contractors, not actually hammered/nailed anything)
• Boxed up belongings…moved them a mile…unboxed same
• Was childcare – as my nanny has gone down to part-time and took an ill-timed (for me) but well deserved (for her) vacation

Explaining why I haven’t blogged since August 19th and haven’t blogged consistently in a very long time. While I have been working on helping to plan a party for an upcoming conference and am getting ready to moderate a really interesting webinar. I have not had enough time for work to be fulfilling.  And I feel like I haven’t talked to anyone except contractors, little ones and teachers in ages.

Hooray for the first day of school. I needed that!

Since the movie The Bucket List – I’ve heard more and more people exclaim that something is on their bucket list.  Well I’m not waiting for retirement.  I’m making my list now and I’m checking it twice and early and often as the opportunity arises.

My thoughts on work are not to work really, really hard, almost exclusively, then get older, slow down and take time off.  I tend to think work is an ebb and flow.  Sometimes it’s busy…sometimes it’s not and sometimes maybe you’re even on the pavement.  I like to take advantage of the slow times and appreciate them, yes, appreciate them.  Hey the first time I got laid off – at the young old age of 31 – I did cartwheels down the TV station’s hallway.  After all our last day was to be the Friday before Memorial Day and suddenly I found myself with a summer free from the office and finally some closure on a process that had been festering for far too long in that workplace.  It was a positive experience and I’m sure you’ll think I’m odd but that’s now how I view work stoppages…as opportunities, although I’m apparently not alone.  Without work there is time…time to read more, to check out that restaurant at lunch that costs a fortune for dinner, to take my bike on the MBTA and ride to far flung beaches.   I could rehash my economic philosophy that allows for my carefree ways during work stoppages, but you can simply read it yourself.

So this summer as my economic policy takes over my work portion of life needs to have a temporary slow down.  You see come September I will not need full-time childcare.  My little one will be in school almost all day and my frugal ways will preclude me from paying someone full-time when I only need them a very limited amount…if at all.  So I embarked on a journey to find my nanny a part-time gig – so I could also keep her part-time.  And it worked better than I had hoped.  She’s happily starting with another family 3-days a week next week.  Which suddenly leaves me without childcare 23 hours a week that I had counted on previously.

It shouldn’t affect work too much…as I am able to work where, when & how I want.  But I will need to shift my thinking.  Some days now, I will work more post bed-time and less during the day.  And the luxury of running errands alone without a little one in tow will now to be a fond memory of my past.

Since this is wonderful, unexpected found time it’s time to make a list.  A list of what I want to experience with my little one over the last 6 weeks of summer.  The last summer we have between when babyhood officially ends and being a full-fledged school-age kid begins.  And a list of what she wants to experience with mommy.  And to check items off one by one…or to maybe just relish in the fact that we don’t have to do anything or go anywhere some days.  Just enjoy each other and our surroundings.

I know the grass always seems greener

I know you strive for more

and mostly

Stop and just relax…enjoy where you are at

That’s how I felt in graduate school as I talked to my fellow class-mates.  I didn’t take the traditional route and head to grad school full-time.  When I went I was working full-time, planning a wedding, and had family commitments.  And I was constantly amazed by the full-time 23-25 year olds around me.  They were lamenting how little time they had in their day and how they had a hard time getting their assignments in on time.  I was floored.  If I wanted to sleep I had just a few hours a day to work on school work.  It was the kind of tight schedule that makes you extremely efficient…as there was no extra time for friends, for parties, sometimes for family obligations.  But I was content with my work/life.  I did not feel overly stressed or harried by it.  They seemed stressed.

Fast forward to post-graduation.   While I was married at this time, my husband traveled often.  About 2 weeks a month he was away.  And for some of those years I was living in Salt Lake City while he was living in Boston…the life of a Double Income No Kids couple.    And I relate to the women in the article.  I was quite independent both financially and socially, but often alone.   And while I had a great work assignment that was exhilarating, and I had friends to keep me semi-busy, my life was not extremely remarkable or book-worthy.  Fortunately, I like me more than many of the people I’ve met during this life, but still I can remember feeling lonely and looking for more, a feeling of ennui.  The balance of my life was a bit off.

Now I’m a mom and I work and I have friends and I have extended family and a still-traveling husband and life can be crazy-busy.  Sometimes too busy, sometimes I feel a bit out of control with the pull of everyone/everything on my list.  And I wish I could reach back in time to those in grad. school and those in their 20′s & 30′s with their ennui and tell them…settle in…enjoy….it won’t be like this forever…and you will miss it when it’s gone.

Easier, of course, said than done, but perhaps that comes with age.

I’ve spent this long holiday weekend alone at  home, with no husband, no children and very little work to do for the first time in nearly 5 years.  I spent much of it with myself.  Enjoying the quiet, enjoying the ability to do what I want, when & if I want…or not.  Enjoying how unremarkable my life is at this time.

It has been great.  I feel very well-balanced right now.

And I have learned to appreciate exactly where I am.  I am very much looking forward to my family’s return today.  To jumping right back into my usual crazy life tomorrow with early morning Dr’s appts, play dates, work, and planning the next family trip to see Grandma.  I have learned to relish and embrace my current work/life, although stepping back in time was very, very lovely…temporarily.

Where are you in your work/life?  Content….crazy, busy….wanting more work….wanting more life?

For some of them it’s been a long time since they searched for a job, 20 years or more.  They were under the impression that work would always be there, because it always had been.  In many ways they are teaching me something.  After all I’ve had 7 jobs in 20 years partly due to the uncertain nature of the industry I used to be in and partly due to the fact that I enjoy change.  So to think of working for 1 or 2 companies in twenty-thirty years is a bit befuddling to me.  Almost as befuddling as how to handle being laid off is to the group of job seekers that ask advice from me.  Fortunately for them, I have a great network of people I know.  And one of that network is Paul Geffen, who found himself in their shoes just over 1 year ago.  For the first time in his adult life he was not working…and his journey over the past year is helpful to learn from.

Here is the gist:

Get started - some people just need a bit of a nudge to start.  Or a sympathetic ear.  And understand if you start and are unhappy, adjust your approach, change something and you just might find your niche.

Network, network, network - and while you want that network to be made up of people from your industry, cast a wider net, you’ll get a richer experience.

Know your story - of course you know your story but can you communicate it well.  I’m not a fan of the word “pitch” because for me networking is more about getting to know someone and having a conversation with them about mutual topics, not “pitching” them per se.  But I know Paul and he is a great networker as well – he’s not always pitching…he’s often listening and honing what he will say so when that right person comes along – he’s ready for them.

Keep busy – it may not be making you money, but keeping busy will keep you networking, could help build your skill sets and even bring you to new skill sets.  Paul did not do community building in his last gig…but he’s gotten pretty good at it and might even want to pursue it for his next gig.

Be ready to be surprised – whether it’s that you are enjoying your freedom more than you thought or than you feel you should admit, or it’s that you actually may no longer need that income as much as you thought or you didn’t really enjoy what your were doing anyway, you’d rather try something else.  Being unemployed is a journey.  Don’t script it.  Be ready to take what comes and investigate new opportunities and skills which just may take you somewhere wonderful.

Now of course you need to update your resume and have that ready and you need to talk to friends and colleagues and let them know that you are looking and what you are looking for, but the above tips will help you weather the storm.  And maybe even learn something about more flexibility at home and at work.  Paul certainly has.