Today I wanted to make a point to say how thankful I am to my employer.  After all I am not your typical employee.  I won’t fill a chair, I do not ask for but expect flexibility from them (as they do from me), I take far too long to analyze and decide when a good thing is offered to me, and as past bosses will tell you I like to learn and grow in my role, constantly.  So I am no cake walk as an employee.

But I have landed in the right place.  When hired I learned one of the reasons they thought I was the right fit was their hope to really build a company that can be successful but also allows employees to lead a more stress-free, balanced life and with my work in the work/life field, they hoped I would keep them true to that.  Second, this recent article on their blog about the human experience tells me they get it and want to spread it around. And even more recently they walked the talk when a colleague had a family conflict during the work day.  They know they hired conscience workers, they know we take our responsibilities seriously and they do not flinch if something comes up during the traditional work day.  No counting hours, no face time.

So thank you for:

• Work that is engaging and interesting
• Allowing my life to be without work related stress (except that which I self-impose)
• Being human and understanding how important that is to being successful in business

And here’s wishing everyone as happy a Thanksgiving as I am having this year.

Are you also thankful for your employer?  Or are they less-human oriented?  I’d love to hear from you.

Yes there have been other conferences, but I feel they were either very academic or focused on HR departments that had people specifically assigned to work/life.  Now I’ve never worked for a company that big and the majority of workers in the US don’t either. This one is for everyone.  Small, medium, large.  And it is co-run by the Society for Human Resources Management who know HR folks and how to speak their language.

The fact that this conference exists means the last 3 years of my life have been a success.  I was but one voice, but one voice of many who felt life was crazy and needed to change.  Who felt too much control in life had shifted to the corporations people worked for and tried to wrestle some of that back.  Who felt overworked, overtired and under appreciated.

I have taken steps to gain that control over my life.  It comes with some tough choices, like knowing that as my two worlds collide I am needed and wanted somewhere else.  So I am not there for this momentous event.  But I have many friends who are.  And they will tell me all about it and I will follow along virtually.  And that seems just right.

It’s probably because it’s the end of National Work and Family month.  You know that time of year when those in the work/life field who keep saying that workplace flexibility isn’t about moms and families, write about moms and families.

Polls are taken, surveys completed and women are looked at as not as ambitious, not wanting promotions, not wanting to work as hard as their male counterparts.

But I see it so differently.  The corporate world is broken.  There is no room for anything other than working traditionally in an office and being at your company’s disposal when they want you to – with little or no regard for your time and commitments.  And honestly, that sort of one-sided relationship doesn’t work for me.

It has nothing to do with my ambition, my drive, how much satisfaction I derive from my job.  Nope, it’s all about the fact that corporate America doesn’t work for me and for so many.  And honestly it never did work for me long before I was a mom.  As we enter into a knowledge-based workplace the demographics of those working and the challenges surrounding that kind of work have changed. But the workplace has not.

Opting out does not mean anyone (male or female) isn’t ambitious.  What it means is the system doesn’t work for them. And with demographics of the workforce evolving and becoming more female, perhaps that is what needs to be studied more – not the women who are opting out.

You may not have noticed, but I took a good chunk of the summer off.  Well not off exactly, but unplugged and working more inside my head than on this blog or on consulting work.  Lots of opportunities converged at once and it was a wonderful and confusing and take-a-breath kind of summer.

First – I was recommended for an high-level marketing job at an HR vendor.  My wheelhouse.  What I did before I started this adventure.  While I had not been looking for it, it found me and I went along for a ride to see where it may lead and if it was a fit.

Second – I was a lady who lunches.  And as such, a friend and I started talking about some growth her company was experiencing and the challenges that come with that growth and how I might just be a fit to help overcome some of those challenges.

Third – it was my first real summer as a mom.  My little one had been new to school, now she was new to summer vacation as was I.  And while we added a few summer camp weeks to the mix it really was more about sleeping a bit later, learning to swim and slowing down.

Finally – for the first time in a year and a half it looked like my husband was without a client.  As his industry says he was about to be “on the beach.”  In his line of work that doesn’t happen often and when it does you take full advantage of it.  To reconnect as a family, to head out on vacation and enjoy it.  Because before you know it another client will come along and off he goes on an airplane.

So all those things were happening and I was wrapping my head around most of them while hanging out with my family and friends.  I unplugged….a lot.  I sought advice – you know who you are and thank you!

Being unplugged was wonderful.  It gave me the time and distance I needed to really look at all that was in front of me.  And it helped me reach some decisions.  I was unplugged most of August and for 2 straight weeks.  Not at all what most Americans do and certainly not something I had done in a long time…but I recommend it.  You know why?  Nothing fell down, toppled over, disappeared forever or was lost during those two weeks.  I’m just not that important to anyone but me and my family.  Understanding that helped me make more decisions.

The marketing gig did not work out – for many reasons.  On my side, the more I thought about it, the more I could see what I was giving up.  Yes I would easily slide right back into a familiar and comfortable role.  And they were willing to be somewhat flexible.

But who would pick my daughter up from school 3 times a week?
How would I reconnect with my husband when he found himself between clients suddenly?
How would we have family dinner 3-4 times a week?
Who would be there for my mom on the occasions she could use an extra pair of hands?

It took me that time to be unplugged to realize that although changing industries was a bit frightening it was also very exciting.  I could work with people I really enjoyed and chose to spend time with.  I could do something I’m good at…marketing…while also learning and growing in an industry that I understand but do not know inside and out.  I could share a similar work philosophy – work when you need to, get the work done and communicate early & often.  And most of all, I could answer all the questions I posed above easily and without further juggling or stress.

So it is with great excitement that I announce I have started working with The Community Roundtable on their marketing efforts.

This doesn’t mean I will stop blogging, or taking clients in the human resources and work/life space.   I will just choose which assignments I take and when I take them more carefully.  And as I have yet to change the way the work world works I’ll continue shouting about it from rooftops, speaking at and attending conferences, and providing you my opinions whether you want them or not.

Some things may never change

One of the things I hear a lot of managers and even HR folks worry about when it comes to flexible work is how to manage both the quality and volume of work produced by an employee who’s not in the office. How do you really know what they’re doing all day and how many hours they’re actually working?

When I think about it, the problem can also exist for an employee who works “in the office”. Over the years I’ve seen lots of people who work in an office and never seem to get anything done or even work a full work week. But I digress…

I think a part of the problem is that many managers and organizations haven’t adopted best practices for managing employee performance. Here are some examples:

First off, you need to set effective, detailed goals that outline expectations, timelines, deliverables and measurements for success, and are aligned with corporate goals. People often refer to these kinds of goals as SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound). If you set goals properly and monitor the employee’s progress on them, you know if you’re getting value from the employee. But if your employees’ goals are little more than a list of job responsibilities, you have no way of measuring if work is getting done, and done effectively.

Next, if your performance appraisals are still a once a year event, you’re not supporting a good working relationship and an ongoing dialogue about performance between managers and employees. More frequent, ‘mini-reviews’, held once a quarter make it easier for managers and employees to sync up on goals and accomplishments, address performance gaps in a timely way, and deal with development requirements.

But it’s more about the culture you create around performance management. Performance management really should be an everyday thing. Employees and managers need to be in touch regularly and talk about performance. Managers need to monitor progress; and employees need to report on it. Employees need feedback on how they’re doing. You can do all this over the phone or using email, instant messaging, wikis, or performance journals just as effectively as you do in the office. In some ways, flexible work arrangements incent managers and employees to do this more often; they don’t take their physical proximity and coordinated working hours for granted and assume the other knows what’s going on. This kind of cultural focus on performance makes it easy to manage all employees and ensure their focus, commitment and productivity.

And finally, everything you do should really be rooted in employee performance. Development plans, promotions, rewards, compensation – all should be tied to employee performance. That really puts the focus where it should be. Look at the results, not the location or time the work was done.

If your managers adopt these performance management best practices, managing their employees performance and work is easy, whether they have a flexible or a traditional work environment.

Sean Conrad is a Certified Human Capital Strategist and Senior Product Analyst at Halogen Software, one of the leading providers of employee evaluation software. He’s passionate about promoting talent management best practices to help employees improve and succeed. For more of his insights, read his posts on the Halogen Software blog.

And that may explain why I like unconferences.  There is less (or no) structure and everyone feels comfortable contributing to the conversation.  At least if it’s done well.

And last week I attended one that was done well – TRU Boston – put on by Bill Boorman at the great Bullhorn Reach offices.  At times it felt more like a meeting of the knights of the roundtable than a conference.  I think Arie Ball of Sodexo summed it up best when she said that you don’t come out of an event like this with a big idea but you get lots of smaller ones that you can implement as soon as you return to your office.  And I agree.

What I really liked:

• It was not a kumbaya event.  There were divergent opinions and you got to air them out.
• People listened to each other and thought about what was said and then participated.  Truly!  That just doesn’t happen often enough anymore
• I’ve always felt marketing & recruiting shared many of the same skill set.  Confirmed by many at this conference for me.  But none more than Johnny Campbell and his brilliant take on how to use a webinar to get candidate leads…not sales leads.
• Every vendor there had recruiting issues and every recruiter there had vendor issues…we helped each other out with both – albeit warily. Which is why the session who came first customer or candidate was spot on.  The answer in my opinion – who cares?  We’re all customers and we’re all candidates and both need to be respected and paid attention to if you’d like your business to thrive.

What I took away:

• There are those who believe as passionately as I that marketing branding & employer branding can work together and share leads and resources and should do so more often
• That there is a science to going viral…and I’m still not sure anyone has it all figured out, but got some good pointers
• That workplace flexibility seems to be a no brainer for start ups, burdensome  for large companies and that employment laws that vary from state to state here are a difficult concept for international peeps to grasp.
• That Facebook communities should absolutely have a recruiting tab to convert those who already love your brand into workers who can help improve your brand and product.
• That there is no substitute for old fashioned skills like research, good communication, and the courage to pick up the phone and talk to someone (or maybe even “stalk” them through foursquare to show up at their local Starbucks to talk face to face)
• That apparently way more people are much more open on social media than I am…and I probably won’t be recruited as easily as they will be…and I am very much okay with that.
• That some people are actually measuring social…and it happens to be in HR at UPS.  Nicely done Mike Vangel!
• That working in an office might be fun again…I’d actually been heading in this direction for a bit, but some conversations I had at TRUBoston made me believe it may be time to head back into highly-evolved cubeland.

What  I didn’t quite buy into:

• That an unconference means disorganization.  It wasn’t my conference and I am in marketing.  But I would have had more information out earlier and promoted more about the conference, who was attending, and maybe built a community aspect for it.  I heard about how to build Facebook communities to recruit for the HardRock Cafe…I think a FB community could have been similarly used  to inform about this and all the TRU Events.
• That Facebook is a great recruiting tool for all.  We learned about 3 companies using it…all hiring hourly workers.  I’m not saying it can’t be used for higher-end, I just am not seeing the same kinds of success stories there as with hourly workers.
• That LinkedIn recommendations are all that.  Hearing some recruiters in the room say that they checked LinkedIn first and if the candidate didn’t have any recommendations they treat them as lesser of a candidate.  My take – friends ask friends to put recommendations on LinkedIn knowing they will be friendly and happy ones.
• That a passive candidate is better than an active one…c’mon, enough now on this one.  Finding the right person for the job is all that counts.  Who cares what they did yesterday…instead recruiters should care about what they’ve done long term and if they are a good fit for the company.

I don’t get out much with my current work/life fit but I’m glad this conference came to me…and I’m glad I was able to juggle my way into attending.

You can’t have it both ways.

And while reading a great article last night about how work life fit is not something to be subtle about, I realized I agree, but am pretty sure I am in the minority.  You see I can afford to fight for it.  I became debt free at age 25.  How?  I went to a college that I could afford (that 99.9% of you have never heard of) and came out with a reasonable amount of student loans.  I bought a car I could afford, not overly cheap but definitely not flashy or above my head.  I at a lot of ramen noodles.  And most of my entertainment came from free events throughout my city.

Now I’m not looking for a pat on the back.  I don’t need one. I am able to fight for my work life fit.  Because I don’t financially need a job desperately.  I like to work.  I have bills to pay.  But I also am a saver.  My husband and I have a very nice income thanks to a job he loves.  But we live below it.  And that gives us control over our work and home lives.  It is not the American way.  I mean after all, I don’t even have cable or a smart phone – unAmerican, right?

I agree we need to fight for our own work life fit.  I wish everyone would do so.  I truly don’t believe real change will happen in the workplace on this issue without pain for those at the top.  And it is we workers who can cause that pain.  But we are a country of over spenders and I just don’t see people who live mostly paycheck to paycheck, fighting for anything in their workplace in this current climate.  And quite frankly, I don’t see our spending habits in this country changing.

So I will continue to fight and be vocal about my work life fit.  But me thinks I will be in the minority.

While I’m banging my head against the wall to get companies to realize that results speak louder than face time and the amount of hours in a cube, I’m now having to argue that battle on another front.

My little one has just finished her first year of school.  I am very proud of her.  In one year she went from knowing the alphabet to being able to spell and read words, understand the difference between lower and uppercase letters.  She has learned many numbers and can even do some simple addition and subtraction.  She now writes every birthday card that goes to any birthday party we are invited to.  And for the end of the year she wrote a 4 page book about what she liked during the school year, what she would miss over the summer and what she was looking forward to in her new classroom next year.

And most of all, she loved it!  She’s sorry school is over for the summer and would have gone on weekends if given the chance. Which really was my only goal for her this year.  Enjoy school & learning and want more and more.  Goal accomplished.

So when another parent from a different school essentially chastised my daughter’s school for their timetable I was taken a back.

Her thought was my daughter didn’t go the # of days required and her school year was just too short and she was being short-changed educationally.  I didn’t argue, I just smiled, because of course I disagree.   I am perfectly satisfied.

Now perhaps as she grows and the goals for each school year grow with her, I will disagree.  But honestly I’m more about results…not time spent in a chair.  And so far I like the results I’m seeing.  And I’m thrilled to have her get some unstructured time alone with me ahead of when many of her chums get out of school and summer camps and playdates take over.

What about you?  Are you more interested in face time and the # of hours spent on something or do results say it all?

Yesterday I was feeling stressed.  You see this morning is my child’s first Field Day and she is excited to have one of her parents come and watch and play.

• As my husband is traveling…that would be me.
• I would really like to get a run in.
• I have 2 clients currently and one potential who would like my help…yesterday.
• There is a luncheon happening nearby that I would like to attend.
• I usually make sure to get in a pilates session once a week and have not yet done so this week.
• My little one has baseball at 4p.

And that’s when my heads starts twirling and my stress level rises and I start to get upset. Until…I remember.  I cannot have it all, all at once.  And I cannot do it all.

Now my life would have been easier if I had scheduled pilates for yesterday when my calendar was more clear.  But hey, I’m human and yesterday was a nice procrastination kind of day.

Today would be less stressful if my clients had gotten me what they said they were going to early yesterday instead of me still waiting on it, so I can do my work.  But hey they’re human and I can only manage that process so much.

So something will give.  And I will be able to do most of the above on my list.  And it is a good day.  I just need to re-learn that lesson sometimes…okay almost everytime.

Well….

• Working with people I like and respect who I can learn from and continue to grow. I miss that.
• Having someone else set my goals and priorities more often because doing it all myself is quite frankly exhausting.
• Having somewhere to go that is separate from home where there is a clear definition of what is work time and what is not.
• Listening to the radio on my commute.
• Walking around the office and half-hearing 100s of conversations about things I’m both interested in and also could completely care less about. But hearing the buzz of life.
• The soda & snack machines.

Many of these may sound pretty mundane but I miss them.  So when I read that Laurie Ruettimann had taken a new job I was not one of the many who thought “how could you?!”  What I thought was “Wow, good for her.  I am jealous.”

But the reasons I don’t have an office job are because I value my work/life fit.  And last night on a chat about workplace flexibility and work life fit with human resource types on twitter (search Twitter for #TChat to see the conversation) it was once again shown to me that I won’t have an office job for probably quite a long time.

Here are some of the gems that confirmed this:

Asking about what kind of hours that company keeps during the interview process is a “non-starter” and is seen as lazy – in other words don’t even bother applying.

Well I have made the choice to pick my kid up at school during the week.  It doesn’t have to be everyday, but I would like it to be at least 3 of the 5 days of school.  And that doesn’t happen at or after 5pm.  And I don’t want to get to the final stages of an interview only to find out this doesn’t work for a future employer.  I have 20 years of experience and great references from former bosses who I’m now lucky enough to see socially years after we worked together.  But still in HR’s eyes I’m damaged goods

HR’s perception generally is still that any work/life issues you have are your problem to solve.  The company you choose to work for is simply not responsible for that.  If you don’t like it you have the choice to simply look for another job.  Apparently the fact that they need people to do the work as much as people need them to provide work still eludes them.  They feel they are still in the driver’s seat and if you don’t like the way they operate you can walk.  I don’t know about you…but that doesn’t feel like a relationship to me, it feels like an unhappy existence rife with work/life conflict.

Flexibility is still seen as more for salaried workers than hourly.  Those of us now making our working consulting sent out the hue and cry.  After all we are paid hourly and that is precisely why I have the flexibility I have.  I can pick and choose which hours I work for my clients and which I devote to personal interests.  But that seemed to fall on deaf ears.

There were glimpses of hope, too:

Like the fact that if our workplaces expect us to be flexible when they have more work than they can handle, they need to be flexible with workers when they have important non-work stuff they need to handle.

And the discussion of the term “work life balance” and how that is not really the right term.  My take was when I think of balance I think of the scales of justice perfectly side by side.  And my comment to someone was.  ”I’ve never had that work/life day.”  And he agreed.

So 3 years after leaving my office job because of lost flexibility, I don’t believe I’ll be returning to an office job anytime soon.  I feel the conversation has come far in those 3 years but human resources and companies still lag way behind where workers are on this subject – in a recent survey 87 percent of employees reported that flexibility in their jobs would be extremely or very important in deciding whether to take a new job.

The part that really befuddles me is that there are good workers out there who want work and there are companies out there looking for workers but the “rules” of work are so constrained that the two cannot help each other out.  So I will continue to set my own goals and priorities for now.  Because fixing that assinine fact would be one of them.