We live in such a weird country.  On the one hand we must eliminate illegal immigrants as they are everything that is wrong with our economy.  On the other god forbid we pay more for groceries.

You can’t have it both ways.

And while reading a great article last night about how work life fit is not something to be subtle about, I realized I agree, but am pretty sure I am in the minority.  You see I can afford to fight for it.  I became debt free at age 25.  How?  I went to a college that I could afford (that 99.9% of you have never heard of) and came out with a reasonable amount of student loans.  I bought a car I could afford, not overly cheap but definitely not flashy or above my head.  I at a lot of ramen noodles.  And most of my entertainment came from free events throughout my city.

Now I’m not looking for a pat on the back.  I don’t need one. I am able to fight for my work life fit.  Because I don’t financially need a job desperately.  I like to work.  I have bills to pay.  But I also am a saver.  My husband and I have a very nice income thanks to a job he loves.  But we live below it.  And that gives us control over our work and home lives.  It is not the American way.  I mean after all, I don’t even have cable or a smart phone – unAmerican, right?

I agree we need to fight for our own work life fit.  I wish everyone would do so.  I truly don’t believe real change will happen in the workplace on this issue without pain for those at the top.  And it is we workers who can cause that pain.  But we are a country of over spenders and I just don’t see people who live mostly paycheck to paycheck, fighting for anything in their workplace in this current climate.  And quite frankly, I don’t see our spending habits in this country changing.

So I will continue to fight and be vocal about my work life fit.  But me thinks I will be in the minority.

The workforce has changed dramatically.  I recently saw this demonstrated in the New Dad Study by the Boston College Center for Work & Family.  In the study they showed how many households are now dual income (more than 80%), and how more than 50% of those earning college and advanced degrees are now women.

I also recently went to a workplace flexibility event focused on flex in higher education.  After that event I was talking with another attendee who said the current problem for some colleges attracting  great workers is that they not only need to have an opening for the great worker they want, there also needs to be an interesting job opening nearby for that worker’s spouse.  If you have a college in a traditional college town, that’s not so easy.  In an urban setting like Boston where the conference was held – much easier.  So many more rural colleges are losing out on talent.

Which leads to an article I read today by Dr. John Sullivan.  In it he contends that your company cannot possibly hire the best  talent if you limit it to those who are willing to commute to your office.

After all it’s not just one worker you need to find a place for, it’s more often 2.  And if you’re not offering remote work options, and their spouse’s company isn’t offering remote work options that’s a big risk for families to take – possibly sacrificing a tried & true workplace to experiment with one that hasn’t yet proven itself.  Not to mention moving costs, school disruptions, etc.

Interestingly I’m in this debate myself.  I’m in the initial phase of interviewing with a company.  But me working there needs to work not just for me – it also must work for my already-happily-employed spouse and our family dynamic.  As I’m in the first date phase of this workplace relationship we haven’t gotten to the who lives where conversation yet.  But you know it will come up…and I already live in a major metro area.

I’m not sure when this country became so obsessed with filling a chair…but it is pervasive.

While I’m banging my head against the wall to get companies to realize that results speak louder than face time and the amount of hours in a cube, I’m now having to argue that battle on another front.

My little one has just finished her first year of school.  I am very proud of her.  In one year she went from knowing the alphabet to being able to spell and read words, understand the difference between lower and uppercase letters.  She has learned many numbers and can even do some simple addition and subtraction.  She now writes every birthday card that goes to any birthday party we are invited to.  And for the end of the year she wrote a 4 page book about what she liked during the school year, what she would miss over the summer and what she was looking forward to in her new classroom next year.

And most of all, she loved it!  She’s sorry school is over for the summer and would have gone on weekends if given the chance. Which really was my only goal for her this year.  Enjoy school & learning and want more and more.  Goal accomplished.

So when another parent from a different school essentially chastised my daughter’s school for their timetable I was taken a back.

Her thought was my daughter didn’t go the # of days required and her school year was just too short and she was being short-changed educationally.  I didn’t argue, I just smiled, because of course I disagree.   I am perfectly satisfied.

Now perhaps as she grows and the goals for each school year grow with her, I will disagree.  But honestly I’m more about results…not time spent in a chair.  And so far I like the results I’m seeing.  And I’m thrilled to have her get some unstructured time alone with me ahead of when many of her chums get out of school and summer camps and playdates take over.

What about you?  Are you more interested in face time and the # of hours spent on something or do results say it all?

On Wednesday I’m attending an event focused on how to get men more vocal in the work/life discussion.  Especially how to get them to participate more in some of the programs and policies available at their workplace.  But it’s hard.  While we’ve come a long way since  Mr. Mom.  Men also face career penalties for wanting a better work life fit.

But the world of work is changing.

I am thrilled to announce the my husband’s little brother is a brand new proud papa.  He couldn’t be more over the moon.  And he will be home to enjoy the first two weeks, entirely.  He took the paternity leave offered and never questioned that he could/should/would.    He is GenY, his household is more 50/50 when it comes to the workload at home, and he has no qualms about taking time off from work to be with his family.  It’s just seems to be the normal thing to do.

How nice.

It’s a lesson I fear I’ll never learn.

Yesterday I was feeling stressed.  You see this morning is my child’s first Field Day and she is excited to have one of her parents come and watch and play.

• As my husband is traveling…that would be me.
• I would really like to get a run in.
• I have 2 clients currently and one potential who would like my help…yesterday.
• There is a luncheon happening nearby that I would like to attend.
• I usually make sure to get in a pilates session once a week and have not yet done so this week.
• My little one has baseball at 4p.

And that’s when my heads starts twirling and my stress level rises and I start to get upset. Until…I remember.  I cannot have it all, all at once.  And I cannot do it all.

Now my life would have been easier if I had scheduled pilates for yesterday when my calendar was more clear.  But hey, I’m human and yesterday was a nice procrastination kind of day.

Today would be less stressful if my clients had gotten me what they said they were going to early yesterday instead of me still waiting on it, so I can do my work.  But hey they’re human and I can only manage that process so much.

So something will give.  And I will be able to do most of the above on my list.  And it is a good day.  I just need to re-learn that lesson sometimes…okay almost everytime.