I’ve got a little extra spring in my step today. I’m sort of feeling like a kid again. After all that was when Title IX came into being. It gave girls and women the right to play any sport they wanted. They could no longer be told “no, only boys can play.” And think of how that has changed the world as I know it.

When I was little I never even thought of playing hockey, a sport I happen to love and probably would have been pretty good at. Why? Girls didn’t play hockey. I had never seen one, all the adults around me never encouraged or even suggested it. I simply didn’t know it was a possibility. Think of how that ruling has changed so many girls’ lives today…including many Olympic Champions.

I did become a runner, though and it floors me to this day that the first time women were allowed to compete in the Olympic Marathon was 1984. I was in 10th grade. Seems ridiculous, right? I agree.

Well now women are standing up for working for real wages and not “pin” money. And they are taking the case all the way to the Supreme court. Alright, it’s actually a hearing to see whether or not there can be a class action…but don’t take my thunder away!

Just this day, regardless of how the Supreme Court rules I believe will begin to change everything about the relationship women have with work. There will and already has been great discussion about how women used to work for “pin” money, flooring many of the younger generations. I don’t think the work world will ever be the same.

And while I’m sure this will have implications that are also negative for everyone at work, I’m not yet sure if the positives outweigh the negatives. Perhaps I’ll know better in 39 years.

Or at least what it looked like last Friday.

Why would I admit this? Because for some reason our society thinks being able to do it all, all at once is attainable. And I find it not to be so. And apparently this is a trend according to a new book. Now I don’t need a new book to know that “good enough” is perfect for me. I live it daily, I’ve read blog articles about others living it and I see my friends all making life work this way. And here is what it looks like sometimes.

Yes, that’s right. I’ve become that mom. The one that will clearly have my future teenager asking me to drop her off at the corner far away from where her friends can see. Why? Because something has to give. And for me on Friday it was clearly wardrobe.

Neither my husband nor I had managed to do laundry so my 2 pair of full-length yoga pants were unavailable. And there’s nothing I dislike more than to shower before a workout only to have to shower again right after. So school drop off had me looking like this. And then the need to get a workout in for the first time in 3 days had me walking through the crowded streets of Boston like this. And you know what…I didn’t miss any work deadlines, my kid got to school (almost) on time, my mother-in-law’s visit was chugging along nicely and my husband made it to that doctor’s appt. he’d been trying to get to for weeks.

I say “good enough.”

I am trying to change the work world.  To change doing things “the way we’ve always done things.”  To get people to think outside of the box.  And honestly there are times it feels like tilting at windmills and spitting into the wind.  Luckily I have a great group of people tilting with me.

And we’re making progress.  Looks like the conversation has most definitely moved beyond the word balance.

Hey, if it’s become comedy…then it must have some main stream traction!

But clearly the conversation continues.  On the wording to use as well as how best to manage life.  All of life.  The part that is considered work and the part that is considered home and when and where those two intersect, separate and blend together.

Now that Dilbert is on board…I’m wondering when we’ll be seeing this as a topic on the agenda at the major HR and recruiting conferences? Yep I’m still tilting & spitting with my fingers crossed.

I’m sort of unique in my group of HR friends.  As I’ve never worked in HR.  I’m on the other side, the job seeker/employee with an issue/world changer side.  And sometimes that puts us at odds.  Like last week.

I’m happily trolling Facebook for information on my friends and the HR industry when I see a post about how women should not wear their diamond rings to job interviews with a link to an article.  The thought was that if the ring is too big, the interviewer may not think the woman “needs” the job.  Also just the mere presence of a diamond ring apparently infers that you will someday get pregnant and leave your employer high & dry.

In the very lengthy amount of comments that followed this Facebook post there was also a reference to an article about someone who drove a beat up pickup truck to an interview and didn’t get the job after the interviewer walked them out to their car.  I couldn’t find that article but am fascinated to read why exactly that was a factor in how the candidate’s skills matched or did not match the skills needed to do the job.

Now I get it.  There are people out of work, they need a job, they are asking for advice from HR and recruiters.

But I think this advice stinks!

It reminds me of when I was in my 20′s and I would start dating a guy and some of my girl friends at the time would insist that I needed to pretend to like the things he liked or the relationship was doomed.  You know, I should feign an interest in hunting, sci-fi movies, windsurfing and maybe even go as far as tagging along for these adventures when in fact…I was not interested.  I knew back then that if I had to be someone I was not, the relationship was doomed.  And that’s how I felt hearing these HR types discuss this.

I absolutely do not want to work for a company where I need to change what car I drive or hide my wedding ring to get in the door.  My tenure there would be as doomed as a relationship where I pretended I would be happy shooting & cooking bambi.

And shouldn’t HR be more interested in finding the right fit for the job, than in teaching candidates how to game the system.  And if the answer is, as some said – “hey that’s just the way it is.”  Well what are you doing to fix it?  No wonder your workforce is not engaged or is feeling work/life conflict or is looking for another job.  You’ve taught them the only way to do business at your company is to lie.

Now what am I going to do about it?  I’m going to continue to be who I am.  I will make the best first impression I can and be mindful of how I look and act.  But I am not going to rent a car or leave an integral piece of who I am at home.  And I do not recommend you do, either.

It doesn’t surprise me that I am no longer friends with those girls who insisted I needed to be other than who I was to land Mr. Perfect.  It shouldn’t surprise you that I will not work for someone who will not take me & my skills for what they are.  I may never know why a company rejected me, but if it’s because of those shallow reasons…I can only say…THANK YOU!

I was asked recently to be part of a Podcast at ERE.net about women in leadership roles in the workplace.  It was a very good discussion over 15 minutes.   And I believe what we all said in that short amount of time was highly accurate.

But I also think there is so much more to the story.  For one women have been in the workforce for the blink of an eye.  Seriously. When my mother was growing up the prevailing wisdom was she had 3 choices  - she could be a teacher, a secretary or a nurse…yes there were variations on that theme…but those were predominantly the careers open to women.

And one generation later we are looking around and saying – why aren’t more women managers? directors? ceos? on boards? C’mon give us a break.  We’ve accomplished much in 40 years – let’s celebrate that.  And let’s also really look at reality at work in that time.

Now I agree with Darren Shearer that there isn’t outright discrimination usually when hiring for a position.  I definitely do not believe that someone looks at a resume and says “we can’t hire that person, they’re a woman.”  Absolutely.  However as I look at my history in the workplace, the amount of unintended and societal discrimination that I’ve faced over the years is both shocking and yet, normal.

Job #1

• I overheard about 2 weeks in that I was essentially hired because I looked good in a skirt and had less of a Boston accent than the person I replaced.  But it was a recession and I had student loans to pay 6 months after leaving college so no fuss on my part.
• My duties in that job included going to the ATM for my boss and taking money out for him and shopping for birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc. for his wife.  Clearly not what I went to college for and certainly not what any male around me was doing for his boss, but again, a recession was on and I had already pushed back on fetching my boss’s coffee daily and getting his lunch from the cafeteria.  Mind you, this was 1991!

Job #3

• Each dept. had to cover the front desk during the receptionist’s lunch hour.  My dept. was made up entirely of men, except me.  Guess who was asked each week to cover?  Until I pointed out that it was not fair as I was not the lowest ranking member of the dept nor the highest – so why couldn’t others help out.  The result…my dept. no longer had to help cover the receptionist’s lunch hour.  A win for me…but definitely not for women in workplace.
• I became aware of a survey being done at work – who had the best body part.  Some of the men put together the ideal woman using fellow workers body parts.  They voted on who had the best legs (apparently I, the long-distance runner won that one), face, smile, hair, etc.  Even when this survey became public…no discipline was handed out for it.
• I mentioned I was the only female in my dept. – my boss – who actually was highly evolved and cared more about how well your work got done than your gender was a large champion of mine.  But he had to constantly fight to get me high-profile projects and when I did get them, it was clear to me that I had better do a much better job than my male colleagues would..or another good project may not come my way.  He said it much better than I with “I got you this…now don’t fu*@ it up.” No pressure.
• There was a male co-worker who was notorious for making women uncomfortable by complimenting their clothing, and leering at them constantly.  He was written up multiple times for this behavior, but never formally disciplined.  He was also in management.
• I was a sports producer.  It was my job to interview, get information about and be around male sports professionals.  I was good at getting interviews…just so long as I didn’t complain too much about the leers, totally inappropriate comments & proposals, or locker room behavior that was simply offensive.  I knew the minute I complained I would become too much trouble and lose my assignments and possibly my job. Mind you, I never gave anyone reason to think I was available…and in fact was already engaged and simply not interested.

There were other examples…but I think these show that women are in no way considered the equal of men in the workplace – in fact they are seen as less.   They are still too often not judged on their abilities, but other factors.  Which certainly helps explain the wage discrimination that is still a reality.

I also think my Dad’s words way back in my 20′s are still far too true.  He, the father who watched us kids 3 nights a week while my mom worked, who told his daughters we could be anything in the world we wanted to be, he said, “I don’t know why you’re spending all this money and time on grad school.  Some day you’re going to have kids and stay home with them.”  He was and is certainly not alone in his thinking.

Finally I think there is one other thing that studies about women in managerial roles do not take into account, who is being managed.  I’m guessing if you really look at how many people professional men & women are managing – it’s close to the same.  It’s just that the men manage people at work and the women manage people at home from child care workers, children & their schedules, house cleaners, babysitters to teachers and school bureaucracy.  I’m thinking maybe when men start managing more of the home workers, women might have some time & energy to manage more of the professional workers.

I feel like it’s been a quiet winter.  Like there was lots of fall activity and then we all went into hibernation for a bit.  Of course there were all those snow days.  And I am still getting used to the next phase in my work/life – living on a 9a-2p schedule now that my little one is in school.  So it could be just me, but I felt pretty disconnected from the HR gang, the work/life gang, and my Boston networking gang the past couple months.

Thankfully the thaw is on in Boston both for the snow and ice and also for the quiet.  Today I’ll be participating and leading a few online discussions on topics that definitely affect everyone…at some time.

At noon I’ll be talking about how cancer has touched my life.  And it has.  3 years ago I lost my Dad to lung cancer after a long cardiac illness and last May we lost my husband’s stepfather ironically to a heart attack, even though he had been fighting cancer for the entire 15 years I knew him.   For both of these men their families supported, nursed, drove to appointments, held hands, took a deep breath when they were appropriately cantankerous and had their lives turned upside down by the disease as if they had come down with it themselves.  It is one of those issues that will become more and more of an issue that needs to be thought about and dealt with in the work/life sphere.  Please join if  you’d like to share your story or learn from others who have been there or are there now.

Then tonight I will be a bit less reflective and much more radical on a twitter chat called #RadChat.  Here some recruiters, HR folks, work/life folk, everyday Canadians, Americans, and all around good tweeps will get together and chat on different topics.  Last time it was personal branding.  Today it’s work/life balance.  I’m hosting which with this crowd probably means – throwing out questions, getting a few jokes & barbs thrown back at me, me learning from lots of smart people, and having lots and lots of fun.  If you are feeling balanced, aren’t feeling balanced, hate the word “balance” as I do.  Come on along at 9pm on Twitter and type in to the search box “#RadChat” to lurk, listen or participate in the convo.  I think I’m ready for all that will be thrown my way…but won’t it be fun to find out?

It’ll be quite the day for me from somber to laugh out loud funny.  But isn’t that what life is all about?  No ability to really balance, just rolling with what comes and having the support system at home and at work to help it all fit together.

So let’s talk.

“Can I speak to the head of the household, please,”  said the voice on the phone.

I’ll admit I was stunned.  I had never in my 13 years of marriage and 8 years of home ownership been asked that question.  It took me a few seconds.

“Well you’re speaking to one of them.” I replied. Which pretty much set the tone for a very short sales speech and even shorter “not interested” response.

This recent exchange came to mind as I was reading an article about the Class Action suit being brought by women workers against Walmart:

Detrix Young, a Wal-Mart employee in Aiken, South Carolina, reports that she sat in a store-wide meeting where one of her female co-workers asked why the men in the store earned more than the women. One of the male managers answered that “men are working as the heads of their households, while women are just working for the sake of working.”

I know in my parents day and age husbands were considered the head of the household.  It’s not how it worked in my family.  My parents made financial decisions together.  But that was how it worked in some.  But now it’s befuddling to me that that image would enter anyone’s mind.  Let alone be a way to decide salary increases and promotions.

I don’t know about your house but in mine we have two breadwinners, who have equal education and equal clout when it comes to decisions.  At times in our lives together I’ve made more money, at times he has.  At times he’s worked much harder, at times I have.  There is no one in charge.  There are two people working together to make decisions, pay the bills, take care of the household and children and to be considered on any and all decisions.  We are a team.

And while I feel equality at home is moving forward by leaps and bounds, not so much in the workplace.  Wouldn’t it be nice if the work world thought of employees as a team, too.  They work together toward a common goal and each individual should be judged based on the quality of their work and given raises and promotions accordingly.  Enough of this antiquated “head of household” vs. working for “pin money” crap.

And for those of you thinking this is just a Walmart problem, ask a woman in her late 30′s-60′s – I’m guessing she’ll have a story to tell you that shows you otherwise.  I know I do.