As a blogger I sometimes find it hard to tell the whole truth.  Mostly because my truth involves other people and they are not bloggers. It is not my place to tell their story and I do not want cause unnecessary hurt.  It can be difficult.  And it takes some thought.  But today I’m going to tell the truth and I challenge you to do so as well.

I was watching a TV show with my husband one night a week or two ago, and on it a mother said to her child, “My life began the day you were born.”  My husband was smiling and shaking his head, yes.  I started crying.

Because you see, I love my child fiercely.  But my life did not begin with that child’s birth.  A vast portion of it ended.  And a lot of what ended I happened to enjoy.  My career.  Time with other adults on a regular basis.  Interesting conversation.  Travel.  Most of that is a distant memory.  My days are making lunches, running sneakers to school, arranging playdates, school drop off, school pick up, sorting clothes that are too small and running them to Goodwill, buying clothes that fit, making sure we get our 5 fruits and vegetables a day and being the disciplinarian who keeps everything running smoothly in the house.  Challenging yes, in a patience sort of way, but challenging intellectually…hardly.  And I miss that part of my life.

A new life clearly started for me when I became a mom.  One that I was ill-prepared for.  Because I was always told “you can be anything you want to be.”  I was not told “But once you have a child, you won’t be able to do that anymore”  Because in reality husband’s are often paid more so wives take the career hit, and even if not, men don’t really see child rearing as their responsibility unless thrust upon them by insistent wives.

Yesterday I read about how moms aren’t honest with each other.  I agree.  We sugarcoat, we gloss over, we whistle why we juggle.  Well I don’t.  And I’m sort of tired of being seen as cranky compared to the sugarcoaters.  And I’m not alone.  As someone put on facebook last night as a reaction to the article, “I certainly don’t sugarcoat motherhood to people… especially people who don’t yet have kids. you really need to know what you’re getting into! lol! that being said, i wish more mothers would talk honestly about struggles they encounter… sometimes (ok, a lot) i feel like i’m the only one who has such a hard time.”

I assure you, you are not. I’m right there with you on the hard time and I know of many others – but they’ll only whisper to good friends about it…not publicly say so.

And it is true in the work/life sphere as well.  One of the reasons we have such a hard time with work/life integration is because we gloss over the bad and smile through it.  If asked at work “how’s it going?” the typical answer is “good.”  Well I don’t believe that’s true.  I encourage you to be more honest, not complain, but be honest.  Perhaps, just perhaps, things in this crazy work/life world would change

It’s day 2 of no school thanks to a snow storm.  Now I like snow.  No complaints here.  After all when you choose to live in Boston and Salt Lake City all your life, you’re going to get snow.  But I will say, boy am I glad I work from home and work for myself.  Because yesterday my husband was also at home but without me to entertain our little one, he would have been in trouble.   He was quite busy and while he can do that work from home, it’s not easy to do so with a little one asking questions constantly.  And then there are those who do not work from home, typically.

Last night I got a phone call and a text.  The phone call was a bit pannicked.

“Can you believe they closed school again tomorrow?”

I couldn’t.  I live 2 blocks from the school.  The streets & sidewalks were already completely clear and easily passable, but I’m guessing other city neighborhoods hadn’t fared as well.

“We were caught completely off guard, we both have big meetings tomorrow so now we’re scrambling.  Could you by chance host a playdate tomorrow.”

I jumped at the chance.  Working from home when you have a small child means no work gets done unless that child has a babysitter, playmate, activity.  So yes, please, let me host the playdate and get some work done.

Then came a text.

“Looks like we have no school tomorrow, do you want to have a playdate?” from another friend. “I have work. Can you host?”

It looks like my plan is all coming together.  When we bought this house the thought process was to have enough room for everyone to have their space, and to have ample space for playing with friends.  There would be an office for me to work in as well.  So while today may not be as productive as non-snow days for our families, we’re making work work.

What’s your snow daze story?

One of the reasons we all complain about being too stressed, having too much to juggle is that we have great opportunities.  And we hate to miss out on anything.  At least that is true for me. So when a colleague emailed to say that he knew I wasn’t really traveling for work anymore, but did I have some time to talk I knew I was in trouble.

I immediately thought I should just say “no” to talking.  But I wanted to hear what he had to say.  We have talked about my juggling act and he has a juggling act of his own and understands it well.  So I was intrigued but still very skeptical.  I guessed that I knew what he wanted to talk about and I was sure I would turn him down.

But I agreed to talk so we talked.  There’s a conference coming up.   It’s going to be great.  Would I consider coming to talk to recruiting folks about my take on work/life?  And as I listened I started getting stressed.  Yes, I would love to come talk!  Yes, it would be great!  Yes, yes, yes…BUT….how can I juggle being the “go-to” parent and the travel?  In the past I have committed to conferences only to have to pull out at the last moment. Something I am not proud of, but something that had to be done, and something I have decided will never happen again.  Yet less than a year later, I’m back to discussing a speaking opportunity again.

So at this point my stress-level is rising, my disappointment level is rising, I’m starting to fell unbalanced.  But even as my mind was racing I kept listening.  And I’m glad I did.  Because he had listened to me as well.  And not only had he listened he had heard me and understands the challenges I face.  And here is what I heard.

I was not alone.  There are others with my same issues.  Not only that but there are also others who have kids and want to bring them along to meet their colleagues’s kids.  There will be play dates and arrangements made for those who want to or need to bring their children.   Why?  Because the organizer listens, understands and wants to put together a great speaker line up. My stress level dropped but my mind kept racing.  Racing with the possibilities of what I could do and how much fun this could be, not just for me, but for my whole family.  And I relaxed and started smiling.  And when I think back on this conversation I’m still smiling.

Here’s hoping this is not an anomaly but a glimpse into the future of more flexibility at conferences for those who do not want to sacrifice work for family or family for work.  I am so glad I didn’t say no to hearing him out…it was well worth it.