I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions.  I don’t think they are effective.  Most people put together a list of resolutions.  But the problem with that is unlike some “to do” lists, you never get to cross off any item off this list.  Even if you manage to:

• Lose weight
• Exercise more
• Clean up the clutter
• Get more organized
• Spend more time with family and friends

It is a constant “to do” – it will never be fully done.

I have a friend that sits down each year, writes out resolutions then at the end of the year sees how it went.  It has never, in the decades I have known this person, come out favorably. He is always disappointed with his performance.  Another part of it, I think, is because it is easy to put down in words what you resolve to do.  It’s the getting off the couch and actually doing it that is the hard part.

And I don’t know about you, but if I’m not accomplishing something and moving forward I actually feel more stressed and less balanced.

So this year.  Don’t resolve…do.  If you want more balance in your life take steps toward that goal:

• Actually eat lunch at work (away from your desk)
• Put an exercise bike, treadmill, etc. in front of the TV and exercise while you catch up on your shows
• Take your vacation time…you earned it…it does not make you less valuable to the company, it makes you sharper
• Ask for help at work or at home if you’re feeling stressed and someone else can pitch in
• Say ‘no’ more – especially when you really want to
• Throw away stuff…not later but now

In other words…stop talking about it and putting it on a list…do it.

Here’s wishing you a happy and balanced 2011!

I am often asked “how do I…” How do I balance home and work?  How do I ask for more flexibility at work?  How do I become an employer of choice using flexibility?  How can I help make flexibility at home and at work more the norm for all?

Well, as you can imagine I have my opinions and I’ve written about them.  As we wrap up 2010 here are some of my and your favorite articles on these topics:

For workers:

• 4 essential steps  to feeling more balanced at home & at work
• Vacation and time off is important so take it!
• Sometimes less is much more
• Life and careers are not straight lines not matter what HR wants you to think
• The unexpected will happen…and you need to adapt in life
• Take better care of yourself than you do your car
• Say what you mean with your “out of office” message
• Rethink retirement
• Self-awareness can be key

For both workers & employers:

• Flexibility at work requires both the employer and the employee to treat each other with respect and trust
• or in other words…Treat others as you would like them to treat you
• How to find common ground on flexibility at work
• Are you a sheep…following the herd?  Don’t be.

For employers:

• Your workforce is a team…lead them as such
• If you want to recruit and retain top talent…think flexibility
• Forward thinking HR
• If you are proud of offering flexibility as an employer why don’t your job descriptions reflect that?
• Is your company run by Gordon Gecko?
• Work/Life is not only for celebrities – just ask those around you
• How business success and workplace flexibility are tied

On gender and parenting and work/life:

• Words matter in the work/life conversation
• It takes a village…not just a mom
• How Father’s Day and roles have changed
• Men and women are different and can learn a lot from each other

Here’s hoping this recap helps you in 2011.  I enjoyed looking back, as sometimes I feel I’m not accomplishing as much as I’d like.  After all I struggle/juggle as well and some days it feels like a losing battle.  But looking back over the last year…I am quite proud of all that I’ve accomplished in life, at work and at home.

Happy New Year!

I’m lucky enough to be hanging in the sun this week.   I’m one of those in the sandwich generation.  Someone who has major childcare responsibilities but also have parents who sometimes need and often like a little help.  There are advantages to this like the fact that I “had” to fly to Florida to help my mother open up her house down here when it was about 8 degrees in Boston.   The fact that my little one is off from school for what seems like the next millennium at the same time makes it that much more attractive to come down.  It also makes it that much more work.  I’m truly looking forward to picking my husband up at the airport tonight and saying, “you’re it.”

But this is not what many in the sandwich generation deal with.  This is the easy part, two years on from the end of my father’s very long illness.  The years before that had their moments…the moments when all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers, which is impossible with very little children…they need to be fed and stuff…so I’ve been told.

This is why I’ve been a bit quiet lately.  I’m hanging with my family and quite frankly enjoying the sun, the pool and very little work to do.  And recharging a bit after years of feeling the need to be “on” for my family.  This year is feeling a bit more leisurely…and I’m taking advantage of that.

But I have not been totally loafing.  Here is my guest post this week on the Corporate Voices for Working Families blog.  I’m thrilled that I was asked to write it and I hope it’s message resonates.  Flexibility in the workplace isn’t a perk…it’s good business.  I know the sandwich generation would agree.

The Path to Employer Flexibility is Paved with Business Results

I would love to live in a world where employers did what was right for employees because they were altruistic and cared about them.  I’m sure in that world the sun would shine everyday, we would not need to worry about carbon emissions, we could eat as much cake as we like and would only grow fat by eating lettuce.  We don’t live in that world.

In the world we live in, employers need to make money.  That pays salaries and keeps stockholders happy.  And that is the motivation behind providing flexibility at work.  While some employers understand that making money and keeping customers happy go hand in hand with a happy workforce…this may have been a secondary realization.  And that’s what I learned mostly at the Sloan Foundation’s “Focus on Workplace Flexibility” conference a couple of weeks ago.  The path to flexibility may have been different for each employer, but the reason was not…it was strictly good business:

I just attended a very good conference.  There was great information.  There were exciting speakers.  There were energized people talking who want to keep the conversation going.  And that is great, but… Isn’t there always a but?

The but is we need to tweak the conversation.  And it’s not just a small tweak…it’s a rather major one in my opinion.  Those of us who study, consult on and rant about flexibility in the workplace need to take the words “family” “women” “kids” out of the headlines.  We do.  It’s why this is not a universal movement.  People hear about studies like: “The Career Cost of Families” or “Keeping Women in the Science Pipeline” or “Family Change and Time Allocation in American Families“or see headlines like these from the New York Times and Wall Street Journal simply shut off.  They don’t read them, it doesn’t pertain to them.

Just before Thanksgiving I got to spend the morning with a colleague who I like and respect very much.  She lives on the west coast, I on the east so we usually see each other only at conferences.  But luckily her sister is here and she came in before I flew out to see my cousins.  We went to Yoga and then to a diner to talk work and life.  She is in the talent management/attraction business.  She is an advocate of more flexibility at work.  She was crowing about the new position she had taken and how great their time shifting policies were.  But she bristles when the talk turns to family.  She doesn’t have children.  She’s okay with that.  But she’s not okay with a movement that advocates mostly for those with a family.

Now as Chai Feldblum from the EEOC, Sara Manzano-Diaz from the Dept. of Labor and I discussed at lunch, we can and have tried to broaden that conversation to make family be about eldercare and sibling care and spousal care.  But seriously…what is the first thing that pops into your head when you hear the word family?  For me it’s my nuclear family first, then my extended family.

And there are those who are single without kids who don’t have ill parents or have parents who are fiercely independent and don’t want help.  All this talk of family leaves them out in the cold.  Because it’s not less worthy to want to have time to practice yoga, paint pictures, to surf.  It’s not!

My friend uses her workplace flexibility to balance her life as well.  But it has more to do with exercise and health and the ability to travel more often.  And that’s what workplace flexibility and work life fit should be about.  Whatever it means to you.

All the talk I heard at the conference about having a workers’ revolution on this topic to get workers to talk more about their flexibility and to advocate for each other at work, is going to fall on many deaf ears unless its universal.  And for it to be universal we need to place a whole lot less emphasis on “family” “women” “care-giving” and “children.”