Healthy kids, moms who work and judgments…’nuff now
March 9th, 2010 | by Leanne Chase
So I’m on vacation. And I’m watching my little one just enjoy being…playing with toys, riding a bike for the first time, running down the sidewalk…and I think I really should chill more. We’re in Arizona and she would desperately like to be in the pool. But it’s 52 degrees out, so not today. Instead of pouting she just moves on happily. I posted my thoughts on Facebook and a male friend agreed that wives/moms should chill more.
And so I think, goodness, why can’t I do that better? Well it could be because I bothered to open my laptop this morning. I have a conference call so I was checking on the details of that and in the process saw an article about a study that claims that children of mothers who work full time are fatter, less healthy kids than those that work part-time or stay at home.
Ugghhh!
Here is why Moms can’t chill. Because if we work we are compromising our children. If we don’t we are compromising ourselves. If we work part-time we are underemployed as well as under appreciated both at work and at home.
My husband is great and he helps a lot but if you asked him how many fruits or vegetables our little one ate in a day he would have no clear idea. If you asked him how much TV she took in, he would know what the rules are, but not necessarily the realities. And if you asked him to make dinner it would consist of something frozen or a pizza. If you asked him what Dr’s appts are coming up, he would really struggle with that one and certainly not know the dates or times or even some of the Dr’s names.
Moms are working (women are now 50% of the workforce), they are attending to the children’s health, the food buying, the food preparation and they are being judged. ‘Nuff now. Either it’s time for other parts of society to help or quit it with the judgments and studies! Just once I would love to see a study on how Dads’ work habits, eating habits, life affect children.
Oh and did I mention today’s breakfast for me & the little one will be hotel room service. I won’t be controlling the ingredients, etc. I will make sure to include fruit in the mix, but I’m sure it won’t be as healthy as it could be…and I’m sitting her in front of the TV at 11a as I have a conference call. As Kathy Griffin would say: You can suck it society.
7 Comments
Thank you for this post! We are a society that claims to support equal parenting roles, however, the mother is still the “default” parent. I would love to see a study on how the father’s lifestyle effects his children. My mother recently told me that, as she was struggling to have a career and be a parent, she had hoped that she was helping to make the “working mother” role the norm. Unfortunately, it seems that we have not made much progress, only making it the norm for women to have a career and maintain all of the traditional maternal responsibilities. I can only hope that it will be different for my daughter.
Yay for Guilt Free Parenting!
Only when we refer to them as “working fathers” will the shift begin.
I had an employer tell me once that “we need to give the guy a break, he’s a single father”…. not once have I ever heard that from management about a mother… unless of course it was to say that she couldn’t do something BECAUSE she was a single parent.
Kristen – I do think we’ve come quite a way in the amount of help we get from dads compared to our mother’s generation. But we still have so far to go. And I don’t think we’ve come nearly far enough as far a judging moms goes. Fingers crossed by the time our daughters get there, society will be kinder to them.
Tammy – Absolutely! I cannot imagine all you went through then, nor am I sure I could do it well, now.
Great post! This reminds me of when I attended a Women’s Conference last year and heard Madeline Albright talk about motherhood guilt & criticizing other women for their parenting/career choices. She said: “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.”
As a working mom, I agree with most of what you are saying. However, I know lots of terrific dads that pull their weight, and split the parenting 50/50. I also know several more dads who would like to pull their weight, but didn’t have 50/50 role models to follow.
It’s going to take some time to shift historical thinking, but why wait for the rest of the world to catch up? Let’s show our daughters and our sons (future fathers, hint hint) what a true and respectful partnership between mom and dad can look like.
You’re so clever in capturing the dilemma! Why can’t our lovable and otherwise capable husbands grasp those details? Regarding part-time work, I look forward to the day when job sharing is mainstream. (If it’s in my lifetime.) The position stays full-time and mainstream so that the two part-time employees filling it aren’t marginalized.
Erika – Not only for women who don’t support each other, but for anyone who judges without walking in someone else’s shoes.
Liz – I seriously know of no 50/50 parenting couples. I look forward to that day but I do think it’s a way off. But then again I also don’t know of any couples where the bread winning is 50/50 either. Most I know – the woman has taken a career step back to be more hands on with the kids. The Dad has not – makes 50/50 pretty tough. (And in my case I have a hubby who travels M-Th – making 50/50 pretty impossible)
Pat – Thank you. I, too hope job sharing or meaningful part-time work becomes a reality soon. I would like to re-enter the corporate world at some point…but not as inflexible as it is today.