Gender bias in the workplace…uh, oh I’m guilty, too!
January 6th, 2010 | by Leanne
There has been a lot to read on women and work lately. Apparently we did it! but unfortunately we’re less happy. And maybe gender bias in the workplace contributes to our unhappiness and maybe gender bias is really all women’s fault. And finally the one that started it all for me – whether the workplace will ever be able to be gender-blind.
As I was pondering these issues I was working on fitting in everything I’d like to accomplish personally and professionally. And I was bummed about a blog radio show in the HR space that I’d like to listen and participate on. I was bummed because the broadcast was at 8:30p at night. So I commented on twitter that I was befuddled why Human Resources radio shows were on at bedtime…many of us in HR are moms and are in the middle of putting kids to bed and can’t participate.
Then it happened. I got a response from a colleague in HR who is a Dad and of course has a conflict as well with the timing of the show. It stopped me cold. Here I was pondering gender bias in the workplace and I had just contributed to it! He was, of course right…I was of course wrong.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why that happened. And I honestly still have no idea. It’s not due to my background…my Mom worked 3-4 nights a week as a nurse growing up while Dad handled dinner and bedtime those nights. It’s not because I have a neanderthal for a husband…when he’s not traveling for work he loves doing bedtime. In fact he’ll re-arrange his schedule so I can work as needed on those radio shows. So I don’t know why it happened. But I do think it’s telling. If I am guilty of gender bias…then many other perfectly nice, thinking, evolved people are as well – and probably aren’t consciously aware of it.
Uggghhh! So what to do? I’m not sure but I’m not willing to throw my hands in the air and give up. I’m going to try a few things:
Be more self-aware and thoughtful about it. Now that I’ve made that mistake once I will do my best not to repeat it.
Stop using the phrases “working mother” or “working women” – it separates women from men in the workplace. No one ever uses “working father” or “working men.” Now this one may be hard to overcome. After all there are magazines, conferences, career coaches and books that make money off “working mother” & “working women.” The day either we stop using these phrases or we start using the male-oriented ones as well will be the day gender bias at work is on its way out.
Don’t encourage it. Today I will be unsubscribing from Forbes Woman. Forbes is a business magazine…so what is Forbes Woman? I asked them, point blank. And they explained that Forbes doesn’t cover issues about women and business well so they started Forbes Woman. Well in my opinion…they should probably cover all aspects of business or rename their original publication Forbes Men…let’s not be hiding our biases with “separate but equal” bullsh**.
Don’t make a big deal out of it. Yes, I know this article would suggest I think it’s a big deal. In fact I think it might go away if we all just considered ourselves workers and concentrated on getting our work done while being treated fairly. I don’t need to make exactly the same amount of money as any other c0-worker makes. I need to be happy with my salary, the way I’m treated and the work I’m doing. And if all that is true…what’s the problem?
And here is where I think it all comes together. If we just focus on what we need and what we want and stop comparing, contrasting, competing…perhaps work-life happiness will come. I read this great tribute to a grandmother last night. She worked, she raised a family, she managed a house, she had a very tough life and she was happy. Isn’t living well the best revenge…so let’s just concentrate on our own happiness and the rest should take care of itself.
Right?
8 Comments
I think you nailed it with the language of “working mother”, “working women”. Other than a precious few wealthy, we all work. And if we have children, we work pretty much all the time. The language of separation is what keeps the work-life conversation firmly in women’s court. Great post, thanks for the reminder to watch my mouth!
My husband, who works in a rather male-centered industry, has struggled greatly with his role as a working parent. I have had success with my parenting work/life balance, and I think that it is easier for me to push for it as a “working mother.” It is acceptable in our culture for woman to stand up for themselves in this way; it doesn’t always work, but it is generally acceptable to ask. I agree with you that the language does get in the way, and perhaps we do need to use the term “working parent” more frequently. There needs to be an understanding that these issues affect both sexes.
I know some stay-at-home dads where the mother is the only one in the workforce. Yet, the false assumption that drives our terminology is that ALL fathers are working and that ONLY some mothers are.
What do we do? Can we talk about an individual being “one of two working parents” vs. a “the sole working parent”. (I’m worried about the single parents out there!). This is hard.
I still use the term “he/she” in a sentence because I hate using either one and it is hard to rewrite to make the usage change.
Great post, Leanne. I love that you not only unsubscribed from Forbes Woman but also questioned why the publication even exists. Their response underscores your point.
Language has power, which is why races fight against epithets that stereotype or slur. The terms “working mother” and “stay-at-home mother” are no different, creating an unnecessary divide not only between women but also between women and men.
Work is only one aspect of my life. It should not be the singular, defining adjective that describes who I am (or who I’m not) as a mother.
I really enjoyed this post Leanne. It looks like the way we fight this issue is through education and humbly admitting when we slipped. You did both superbly!
Your Ambassador,
Mike Bruny
[...] Leanne Chase says that she is unsubscribing to ForbesWoman in her post on Gender Bias in the Workplace. [...]
Hi Leanne,
I’m a little late to this post– but I want to concur w/ the tactic of changing how we talk about women, and men, and family lives. I call this sort of thing “Semantic Akido”– using the power of the word for my own purpose.
Hence, walkperson. Work for pay mom. Unpaid PTA mom.
I don’t have the perfect words for all situations– but in the case of ‘working mom’ I like to go with ‘working dad’ rather than take apart worker and mom.
It’s a subtle thing, but people will note ‘working father’ more than they’ll note mom or worker alone… the goal with semantic akido is to get people to notice, and by noticing, rethink.
Your effort to be a good non-sexist role model will be inspiring. Rock it!
Hi- I found this via Mama Bee, and I want to agree with your point about the use of “working mother” without the equivalent use of “working father”. My husband and I both work. We work in similar professions- he is a scientific software engineer and I am a scientist and informatics manager in biotech. We have two young daughters.
I get asked all the time about how I balance my work with parenthood. My husband has never once been asked that question. And yet the “balancing” that we do is actually fairly equivalent- other than the biological necessity that I carry the babies and provide the breastmilk, we split things evenly. He stays home with sick kids and leaves early for doctor’s appointments as often as I do. We share the chores at home. Etc., etc.
Whenever a young female scientist asks me about work-life balance and how to combine a career in science with motherhood, I point this discrepancy out. Men have been doing this for a long time, and I have never heard a young male scientist fret about whether choosing a career in science means he can’t be a father. The period during which there is an actual biological difference in care requirements is quite short, and in my opinion, manageable. So the advice I give is to choose your partner carefully. If you want to be a working mother, make sure you pick a partner who wants to be a working father.
None of this is to negate the actual, very real differences in what it means to be a working mother vs. a working father. It is just to point out that there is no real reason for those difference to be as big as they are. It drive me batsh** crazy to see the blame for the continuing under-representation of women in some professions and in the top levels of all professions being shifted from sexism to motherhood. Unless the problems holding mothers back are also holding fathers back, it is still sexism.