Fear and Paralysis in Entrepreneur Land

I’m sure someday I will learn that fear is silly.  That procrastination due to fear is truly a waste of time.  That putting one foot in front of the other is not so hard and it works.  I’m sure I will…the when, however, I’m not so sure of.

Because you see I seem to fall back on similar fears and then I procrastinate so I don’t have to face them.  Then once faced, it turns out they weren’t so bad.

Case in point – I’m a runner – have been since junior high.  Every time I line up at the start of a race in the back of my mind is the thought that I haven’t trained hard enough, I’m not in good enough shape, I’m not mentally tough enough.  Now mind you I have never come in last in a race in my life.  I’m usually somewhere in the front half of the pack – which I am quite comfortable with.  But it never ceases to amaze me that I have to talk myself out of thinking I’ll fail.

So last week was a long one.  I’ve been working on getting a job board created for my site for far too long.  Partly me, partly bad timing, partly poor communication to blame.  But while it was “in development” I was safe and comfortable.  I could talk about it.  I could think through some of the bumps I knew would happen as I work to integrate it with my site…but it was all in theory.  It wasn’t real work.

Then it happened.  The board was developed and handed off to me to customize.  And I froze.  Not completely.  I did hire technical people to help with the technical implementation simply because I’m not capable of that…that much I know.  But there is plenty that I’m capable of.  Writing copy – it’s been a strong suit of mine for years, figuring out some logistical elements of how to integrate it with the already existing Career Life Connection site, and that pesky little task of finding customers.

Last week all the doubts crept into my head.  What if no one wants to post jobs here?  What if no one wants to look for jobs here?  What if no one really cares about work/life?  What if this was all a big waste of time and money?

Now I have never fallen on my face completely with a project.  I’ve actually usually exceeded my expectations which are typically much higher than my bosses were.  I have already decided that I consider this project a success for me for many reasons.  And I can rationally understand what I’m going through and understand that it’s unproductive and full of unnecessary drama.  I can even support friends in similar situations by truly believing in them and telling them to “go for it.”  So why?

I don’t know.  Maybe it’s just part of that roller coaster many entrepreneurs ride.  Maybe I am much harder on myself than I need to be.  Maybe it’s good that I spent a week really pondering and thinking through my fears so my outcome would be more focused and targeted.  I don’t know the answer.  But I do know that yesterday I put one foot in front of the other and started to run toward the finish line for this project.  And it felt good.  And I’m getting good response.  And I know I will finish and it won’t be in last place.

Maybe next time I can read this article and save myself a week of fear & paralysis.  Probably not.