It was one of those weeks – guest blog post

October is National Work and Family Month.  And this month I will be talking about workplace flex as it pertains to families but also why flexibility isn’t only about families.  I thought today’s guest blog post was perfect to lead into October.  It’s about work, it’s about family, it’s about life:

This has been one of those weeks. Not a garden variety “I-can’t-wait-until-Friday” week, mind you… more like an “implausible-sitcom-plot” kind of week. Aggravated coworkers who needed to vent, to-do lists that grew exponentially and back-to-back-to-back meetings that left little time to work on knocking down the aforementioned lists… all played a prominent role. My saving grace was Friday night, as my wife and I had secured a good friend to babysit so we could go on a date. A nice dinner, a glass of wine and a movie. Nothing fancy or extravagant, but a night alone to have a conversation without pausing to mediate disputes or escort one of the kids to the rest room is like a slice of heaven. As we said our goodbyes and made our way to the garage, we caught the distinct sound of water spraying. Forcefully. Sure enough, as we peeked into the closet under the stairs we were met with the rather unpleasant sight of a geyser-like fountain shooting from one of the pipes. Like I said, one of those weeks.

As fate would have it, the friend who was babysitting for us is engaged to a great guy who also happens to be a plumber and after a few frantic attempts at reaching his cell phone, we finally caught up with him and he assured us that he would come over and see what he could do to help. Patience is not one of my strong suits so rather than hang out and wait, I wrapped the pipe in a towel and headed out to the local Home Depot for replacement parts and a patch kit or two.

While winding my way through the tree-lined roads that lead from my primary residence to my second home – the shopping plaza featuring Home Depot, Toys’R'Us and PetSmart – I was sulking, grousing and otherwise generally cursing my fate. Like many of my friends (and millions of other workers across the country and around the world) I feel like I’m living in a bit of an odd limbo state – caught between the utter joy, relief and gratitude that I have a good job in this extremely challenging economy and the inescapable feeling that I’m on a treadmill and I just can’t stop running. We’re all working burnout hours (as are our coworkers) and feel like we’re starting to run out of steam, we’re all feeling the sting of either sacrificing family time for work time or sacrificing sleep to serve both masters and we all feel like now is not the time to throttle-back… just when our employers need everyone running full-steam ahead to ensure we emerge from this recession intact and ready for growth.

There are times when passion for one’s career and love for one’s family are in direct conflict and the simple answer is that there’s no simple answer. Making it all work can be a pretty challenging dance but if you’re lucky enough to have a spouse who understands, you’ll be able to learn the steps. Every now and then, however, you trip over your own feet.

As I walked into the store, thinking thoughts that were way too heavy and introspective for a Friday night, I stuck my hand into my pocket and pulled out a piece of paper which simply read “Enjoy!” Earlier in the week, I set the alarm to wake me an hour earlier than usual and get a jump start on the day. After a quick shower, I got dressed and made my way to the computer for a quick e-mail check before my 30-minute commute. As I walked to my small home office, I soon heard my daughter tromping up the steps.

“Daddy,” she exclaimed.

“Good morning, sweetie… how are you,” I asked.

“I’m fine but YOU need to go back to bed,” she snapped.

“Aw honey, I would love to but I need to get to work early today. Daddy has a lot to do,” I explained.

“But Daddy, you HAVE to go back to bed! Mommy is already in there,” she insisted.

Of my three children, my daughter is my early riser. Just about every morning she emerges on my wife’s side of the bed sometime before dawn and asks to either snuggle between my wife and I or watch television in our room while we begin our day. I assumed today was no different than any other but my waking up early threw off her routine. I chalked it up to the six-year-old equivalent of OCD and caved.

“Okay. I’ll tell you what… I’m already dressed so I’m not going to get back into bed, but I’ll go and hang out in the bedroom for a few minutes… but ONLY a few more minutes, okay?”

“Good,” she said. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

I returned to my room and sat at the foot of the bed, chatting with my wife about the day ahead – me and my meetings, her and her errands – as we so often do as the day begins. Moments later the door to the bedroom flung open as my daughter exclaimed “ta-dah” and my oldest son followed behind with two bowls of cereal and two glasses of punch. They couldn’t find a proper tray so they improvised using a pan which is usually reserved for making oven-baked French Fries. As they rested the tray next to me on the bed, I looked down and saw the word “enjoy” handwritten on a tattered piece of notebook paper and tucked neatly between the glasses.

My wife and I smiled at each other as my son explained that he set his alarm clock early so they could wake-up and treat us to breakfast. We gave them each a hug and a kiss and there we all sat – the four of us squeezed on a queen sized mattress that looked gigantic in the showroom – and chatted while the local news droned in the background and blended with the sounds coming from the baby monitor as our one-year-old began his wake-up routine as well. Thirty minutes later I was out the door and off to work.

One of the oldest, most hackneyed but also most accurate statements that anyone can make about life is that change is constant. Whether you’re riding high or bottoming-out, things will eventually make a turn. How you manage those twists, however, is entirely up to you. During times of extreme stress, I think the natural reaction is to either slip into “woe is me” mode or look for external causes for our internal turmoil. We can’t always control what happens to us but we can control the way we react. Maybe that’s what brought you to this site in the first place. Maybe you’re not happy with the way the work/life scales are tipping these days so you’re looking for way to get back into the driver’s seat. Like my Nana always said: “better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” (Another over-used saying but the older I get, the more I realize my parents and grandparents were almost always right.)

I smiled a bit as I re-read the note – the neatly-formed letters created by someone who is still at a point in life when good penmanship is a source of immense pride and accomplishment – and returned it to my pocket before heading to the plumbing section. I placed the few items I needed into the cart, paid for my wares and headed for home. When I arrived, our plumber friend was already there and investigating the situation. Twenty minutes later the leak was under control. Thirty minutes later we were all watching the Red Sox game, eating take-out pizza and catching-up on our lives. Date night with my wife turned into junk food and beer with friends. And despite the trials and tribulations of a long week – capped by an impromptu home repair – I wouldn’t have it any other way.

By day, Marc Moschetto is a senior member of the marketing team at Workscape, Inc. – a company that delivers integrated HR software and services to organizations around the country and around the globe. When he’s not working, playing with his three children, or discussing the fate of his beloved Red Sox with his wife, Marc blogs on everything from faith and politics to family life and workforce issues. You can read his personal blog BostonWriter Online.