Free To Be…Me

I was shopping recently for a kids birthday party and I stumbled across a 35th anniversary edition of the book “Free To Be You and Me” by Marlo Thomas and Friends.  I can remember the pink album jacket to the companion record from when I was a kid…mostly because I played it incessantly.    I truly think later generations are short-changed by not having full-size album covers containing lyrics and liner notes to ponder over for hours while laying on their bed and listening to the music…c’mon Sgt Peppers’ album art on a tiny disk insert?  A travesty.  But I digress.

I had forgotten how much I loved not only the stories and the music but the lessons I learned from “Free To Be You and Me.”  Those lessons have helped shape who I am today and are in part why I have started this website.

1) You don’t have to change who you are for anyone or anything.  This should include your workplace.   But in many workplaces there are strict rules about how you can adorn your cube or desk, including pictures of your family and friends.  They take all of the “you” out of  you.  They would also prefer that you stick only to work…don’t talk about family, hobbies, your weekend…it is seen as unprofessional and supposedly it shows that you are not dedicated to your work.  Being allowed to be who you are is fundamental to happiness.  Of course you need to get your work done, too.  But you shouldn’t have to stifle who you are to do it.

2) Moms and Dads can be “anything they want to be” for a profession.  That was a pretty strong message to little girls in the early 1970′s.  I’m not sure the message resonates as strongly in 2009, but I also don’t feel that we’ve achieved a place where women can be anything they want to be.  There has been much news lately about women lawyers opting out of the law profession because of it’s rigidity and their desire for more flexibility.  The concept that Mommies can be “doctors or teachers, or cleaners or bakers” or even lawyers is great in concept…but sadly in 2009 we are still working too hard on the reality.

3) Boys and girls identities should not be tied to their gender.  In 1974 I’m not sure how many girl geeks there were.  But I have proudly attended a “Geek Girl Camp” full of them in 2009, and I have friends who work in science and engineering.  Again we haven’t come as far as I’d like, but girls can be geeks and boys can be flight attendants or nurses or really anything they want to be.

4) Should vs. could.   Marlo Thomas says she put the book and album together because of the silly bedtime stories available for her niece.  Most were full of what boys and girls should be, not what they could be. I believe “should” is a dangerous word and I think the work world has used “should” for far too long.  The work day should be from 9a to at least 5p.  People who work should come to a central location or office each day.  You should stop working and retire sometime between the ages of 55 and 65 (but most definitely by 65).  You should segregate work and personal life.  I don’t believe in the work world of should.  I believe in what the work world could be.  And that is a place where people are judged by what they can accomplish not by filling a chair for a certain number of hours in a certain location.

One of the reasons I felt the need to leave my last employer is I no longer felt free to be me.  I was holding my tongue in meetings far too often and I felt my opinion was not valued.  Thankfully “Free To Be You and Me” taught me well…and the rest is history.