Work/Life Lessons From My Parents for Today’s Economic Times

Today is the sixth anniversary of my father receiving a heart transplant.  I had this column in mind a while ago, but I thought I would write it in February on the day my father passed last year, but I think this date is much more fitting.  It was his second birthday…as he called it and so today, while I’m sad, I’m also grateful for many of the lessons he and my mom…Hi Mom…taught me.

Parents Work.  I never thought it was weird that my mom worked.  I thought it was weird that other moms stayed home and didn’t work.  I’m not judging – I’m all for what works for you – it’s just that when people wonder why I work instead of stay home with my child – one of the reasons is honestly it never seriously occurred to me.

Which leads me to an interesting story I saw on CNN about a man whose wife gave him an ultimatum to take a job as a Pizza Delivery man.  Now the fact he had to take a job in pizza delivery didn’t shock me, what shocked me was his dire financial circumstances and the fact that his wife had to issue such an ultimatum.  What was he thinking?  The money fairy would show up and help them out?  Which leads me to another lesson from my parents.

Do Whatever to Put Food on the Table.  We were not poor, but we also didn’t have a ton to spare growing up.  We were very middle class, but we stayed that way because of my parents’ work ethic.  My father worked for a government contractor, and as presidential administrations change so do government needs and contracts.  He would occasionally get laid off and then rehired.  During his layoffs he would find another source of employment.  For a while he was an exterminator, at other times he delivered flowers.  While I know it was to help with money it was also because my father was very bad a sitting still and doing nothing.  But honestly, if he needed to he would have taken any job to be sure we didn’t struggle financially.   And when I started this business I told my husband – “Hey, if we need it I can always get a job at Macy’s.”  And I mean it – if I need to, I absolutely would.

Now here’s where this entry becomes relevant to this blog.  My mom.  She was a role model for learning that work should be flexible enough to accommodate life.  Although her work was not as flexible as she would have liked…it was very flexible for being a Mom.

Be Flexible in Both Work and Personal Life.  My mother was a nurse.  It allowed her to work 3-4 days a week from 4-midnight.  My father got home from work at 4:30pm.  So even on weekdays we had a babysitter for a minimal time.  In fact after age 7, I can’t even remember who our babysitter was or what arrangement was made for us.  That’s how little impact it had on me.  It also meant that my mother worked every other weekend.  So again, working weekends, holidays, etc. just seems normal to me.  She didn’t get everything she wanted.  She would get Christmas off at the expense of having to work Christmas Eve and Easter.    She chose the holiday that meant the most to her to take off.  There was give and take in that model of work life.  And it allowed her the flexibility she needed to raise two kids and have a career.  And she didn’t even have pre-school or daycare to look forward to.  (I don’t know how you did it, Mom…truly.)

My mother’s working taught me another valuable lesson.

Husbands/fathers are perfectly capable of doing household duties and should do them. Now I’m not saying my father was great at this.  His culinary expertise ended at english muffin pizzas and grilling in the summer.  But 3-4 nights a week he was responsible for the kids and the house.  I’m sure in a pinch he could also do laundry – although I saw no evidence of him ever trying.  My husband and father to my daughter has even more responsibilities.  Thanks to my parents I expect him to be able to take care of our daughter, do the dishes, to do laundry and to contribute more than financially to the general upkeep and welfare of our household.  Hey, it’s what working moms do everyday without ever being asked.

The final lesson about work and life that I really want to thank my parents for is:

You have to work less if you buy what you can afford. I envied some of my friends.  They always had that better bicycle, the cool designer clothes that were in, the great toys I wanted.  They got everything they asked for.  As a kid that seems pretty cool.  As an adult the reality of it sets in.  Many of those people were spending more than they had to be able to keep up with the “Jones’s,” whoever they are.  Then it seemed precarious but not dangerous…today it could lose you your house.

Turns out I didn’t need all the stuff I wanted as a kid and it turns out because my parents didn’t give in to all that nonsense we were able to go on very cool vacations to Disney and my sister and I were able to head to college with some financial help from Mom and Dad, and we always had a very nice roof over our heads.  They also were sure to save for a rainy day, and even though I’m sure my parents experienced some of those days when I was a kid…I never knew about them.

So today I want to say  “thank you” to my Mom and Dad.  Because weathering today’s downturn while starting a business would be much more stressful without these lessons.  And to my Dad on his most recent birthday….we miss you!